April 15, 2015
There are many ways a betch can get out of doing work, but none are more effective and beneficial than being your boss’s favorite.
Sure there are a ton of people in your office that work harder and kiss ass with much more fervor, but you can beat even the biggest TTHs at their own game with a few simple steps.
Obviously the point of your diabolical plan to become the boss’s favorite is to get out of doing any real work, that’s why pretending to work really hard is super important. Right now, my boss is, like, thirty feet away thinking that I’m writing a super important email or finishing some BS paper work. Instead, I’m writing this while looking super concerned and enthralled with a project. Mission accomplished. If you’re lucky enough that your boss has to go out of his/her way to check on you, just be prepared to be feverishly typing or on the phone whenever they stop by. Looking super busy and productive will make them think you already have a lot on your plate and they won’t assign you to do any more work.
This step might require you to be a little bit more of a suck up than you prefer, but whatever, it pays off in the end. If your boss is like normal and kind of old, say, older than 35, chances are they’re really oblivious about what’s appropriate to post on social media. If you do some light cyber stalking you can find a bunch of dumb crap your boss is interested in. If they really like “Game of Thrones”, wiki search the last episode and make a point to stop by their office and mention some plot point. They’ll probably go on a rant that you don’t understand so just respond with “I know!” and “Crazy, Right?!”. They’ll think that you just bonded over a common interest, and you’ll automatically become more likable. Having them like you is a sure fire way to get them to pass on tedious, boring assignments to someone they like wayyyyy less.
You can get a ton of extensions on assignments you’re already finished with by pretending that you’re trying to do a super great job on them. If you do have work to do that you can’t get out of just finish it really quickly. This shouldn't be hard because you’re actually not an idiot so entry level job tasks are kind of a joke. So just do what needs to be done and then pretend to work after that. Say you need some more time to realllllly perfect your business and then just hang out on the internet until you absolutely have to have it done. Your boss won’t assign you anything else to do because they think you’re already busy.
People who try too hard are literally the worst, plus being a kiss ass is one of the best ways to get your coworkers to hate you. But if you really want to seal the deal you might have to suck up just a little. Here, subtlety is the key. Make stuff up if you have to. If you get your boss a coffee, pretend like the barista messed up your order so you got an extra coffee for free. The lies are endless and so are the benefits.