March 16, 2015
For the average college student, spring break means loading into some friends ‘96 Honda Accord, road tripping down to Panama City, and mushing bodies with other semi out-of-shape college girls at a Luke Byran concert while sipping on Malibu and…some other shit. Betches have never been there. They have never done that. And that’s something they’re definitely okay with.
For a betch in college, spring break plans get a little more exorbitant. Sure, a betch might do the stereotypical Mexico SB freshman and sophomore year, but by the time she’s a junior, she’s either abroad and doing “Yacht Week” in Croatia or just joining her friends who are abroad for a yacht week in Croatia. There may be nothing realistic about flying to Europe for 6 days once you include travel time and jetlag, but a betch knows that it's worth it for the Instagrams. Plus, she’d be way better off wide-eyed at Opium at 4 am without even taking that many drugs than coherent for the city tour the next morning. I mean the nightclubs are where you get cultured in Europe anyways, right?
By the time a betch is a senior, no one could probably even pay her to go to Mexico, and if they could, she’s only doing it for the story. Senior betches are likely to rent out villas with their other sorority sisters who they secretly don’t even like anymore in some random location like St. Kitts or Whistler. If that’s not expensive sounding enough for betches they’ll head over for Europe Round 2, or they might even go somewhere even less realistic like an all-inclusive resort in Thailand or Fiji. Dad puhlease buy my plane ticket…I really need to get out my college bubble and experience less homogenous things you know?!
So betches, if you found yourself explaining to your professors that you're missing a week and a half of school in addition to spring break because you’re the maid-of-honor in your half sister’s wedding in Bali, and then spending four hours at Kinkos trying to make a faux-invitation to prove it, than you know you’re spring breaking like a betch.