January 15, 2015
As betches, we aren’t big fans of making plans, or at least not committing to them. We do this not because we don’t think other people’s time is important, though that’s part of it, but because experience has taught us that like, shit happens all the time and our moods change more than Taylor Swift’s boyfriends.
Like we might think we want to get drinks Friday with a bro that we’ve been texting, but we could be wrong. The group chat might decide to go to girls dinner and then stop by a party after, and we might decide that sounds more fun than one on one drinks by the time Friday evening rolls around. Ultimately, if we’re not committing to your plans, it’s not because we don’t care, it’s just because we’re not convinced you have the best plans.
This applies not only to making social plans, but also to decisions in our day to day lives. We are often just as surprised as you at the decisions we make, because until we go through with something, there’s a chance we won’t. This doesn’t make us unreliable, it just makes us practical. For example, a betch’s friends might not know she even wanted to go to law school until she announces she just got accepted into Yale and is like, leaving in August. It’s not shady, however, as that same betch probably had no idea she was going to go herself, until she looked at the acceptance letter in the mail.
Not committing is a lifestyle not recommended for dumb, ugly, or poor or like pregnant people, for obvious reasons. If you are any of these things, you should definitely take every opportunity that comes your way, because you need it and because you’d be stupid not to. But as a betch, we’re often bombarded with gifts and opportunities which we are grateful to be #blessed with, but which practically speaking, we cannot always accept. Being a betch means we’re naturally talented at many things, which also means we always have options when it comes to major life decisions.
Other people might tell us that being so non-committal makes them worry about our futures, but we know that not committing is half the reason anything exciting ever happens. Nobody ever plans to win a Nobel Prize or win the lottery or fall in love (granted those last two are very non-betchy but you get the point). Like if Dorothy had been responsible and gotten in that fall-out shelter with her aunt Em instead of singing and looking pretty, she would never have gone to Oz.
While nice girls are begging their non-boyfriends to commit to them so they can hurry up and start the adult prison life of marriage, betches know that single and not committed is the best way to be. This is especially true when betches are hanging out with a bro they actually like. Instead of spending her days wondering if like, he likes her based on his texting patterns, betches enjoy the uncertainty because it leaves room for random exciting shit to happen.
To keep others satisfied while committing as little as possible, a betch uses key phrases like, “i’ll let you know” and “that could be fun” and “mm whatever.” When agreeing to plans, overly enthusiastic responses are great as well, as they show that you were genuinely interested at one point. That way, if you have to cancel for something better, you can show your genuine sadness that they didn’t keep your excitement with a “ugh, so sorry really bummed i cant make it.” The same goes for relationships as well - if a bro wants to talk about where things are going, you can just say "let's talk about this later" until six months have passed and not having a plan is the only plan you two have made.
So, there's no need to feel bad if you've yet to like do that thing with that person you keep talking about it with, because it just means you've been doing other, better things with other, better people. And, if you do decide to commit to anything, then it better be a Beyonce concert.