September 23, 2014
Since we’re so popular and hot our friend groups are huge and besties tend to get in dumb AF fights on the reg. You might find yourself caught in the middle of an awks situation so here’s how to deal.
Both besties are wrong and you’re truly sick of their unnecessary drama. They both try to get you to hear their POV and this bores you more than keeping up with the news. You can’t exactly tell them that you DGAF so make up some excuse about having to volunteer at a homeless shelter or cleaning up garbage in your town park because TBH that sounds more appealing than reasoning with dumb and dumber.
It’s clear who is right in the situation, but you don’t want to have one of your besties mad at you so keep your opinions to yourself and act dumb/drunk when they’re asking for your input. “Soooo sorry I can’t mediate this situation right now, I’ve had like 5 glasses of wine with dinner.” Better to be the betch with a drinking problem, than a betch with two faces.
You somehow get involved by making a comment in favor of one of your besties over brunch last weekend (too many mimosas get you running your mouth sometimes) and the other betch starts angrily texting you about how your betrayal hurts more than the lipo she got last summer. Wait a day or two before responding to let her calm down and then respond with a mediocre apology and some dirt you have on the other bestie in order to level the playing field. All’s fair in love and betch war.
Bottom line: If these solutions fall short (which they might since you can never 100% predict how bat shit crazy betches can get sometimes) tell your besties to fuck off and hire a therapist. You’re not Dr. Phil.