September 21, 2015
It’s Sunday morning and you’re scrolling through Instagram commenting the same thing on all your besties’ pics from last night: “FOMO.”
As a betch, you go out several times a week. Your talents basically include pregaming and postgaming. But sometimes, for whatever reason, something comes up and you miss a night. Your friends went out without you and had a sick time full of broken screens, blurry Snapchats, and inside jokes you’ll just never get. Suddenly, the fear of missing out is so real.
However, in the past few months, it seems as though betches have taken the Netflix and chill craze a little too seriously, actually choosing to stay in instead of going out. The phenomenon I’m referring to is called FOGO: the fear of going out. Now, don’t take the phrase too literally. Betches aren’t actually scared of going out, they just don’t want to. As much as we can relate to feeling lazy, having literally nothing to wear, or not being in the mood to run into your ex, we don’t approve of this behavior. Betches are meant to get ready with friends, black out, make decisions you’ll regret the next morning, then do it all over again. It’s like the circle of life.
That’s why we’re here to help you cope with your FOGO and tell you it’s time to snap out of it. As much as we love napping and watching endless hours of Keeping up With the Kardashians, those special hobbies can be done during daylight hours. By the time 10PM rolls around, get out of bed, put on some eyeliner, take a shot of tequila, and go. It’s not winter yet so you can’t use the cold as an excuse, and honestly whoever made up the rule that you need eight hours of sleep obviously didn’t have a social life. Don’t let them sabotage yours.
Sorry to be so harsh, but someone needs to put a stop to FOGO before you end up as boring as that nice girl in high school who used to volunteer to be the designated driver every weekend. Betch the fuck up and go out.