February 9, 2015
You’re on your third cup of coffee, you’ve gone outside for “fresh air” three times, it’s almost 1 o’clock and you’re still “waking up.” Whatever, it’s a slow day. Some days it feels like you are beat, but you an actually still win by just going with it. Just like sometimes you could have a bad trip, some days are just not meant to be productive.
The key to winning a slow day is to do as little as possible while appearing to be doing the opposite. If you're in the unfortunate position of having to work, you can accomplish this by minimizing expectations in your office. Conveniently hint to your supervisor that you’re on antibiotics for your pneumonia, but you’ve got so much work you couldn’t bear to stay home, and anyways you feel fine. Tell him or her you think sickness is just a weakness and weakness is for losers. That’ll give your boss an internal freak-out that you’re trying to take their place, and they might suggest you take it easy. Now you’ve accomplished two goals – your coworkers will try to avoid the radius of your desk for fear of getting ebola and any email you send today is already above and beyond.
If you’re having a slow day in college and you can’t skip class, just keep that iced coffee close. No need to participate in class, but afterwards, make up some bullshit question to ask the TA or teacher about the material to show you were totally engaged but maybe didn’t quite get it. They’ll realize your lack of ambition today was misinterpreted as you were interested but just lost. Maybe they’ll even feel bad for not explaining the topic in a more clear fashion. Minimal effort for maximum results.
And, if you’re having a slow day and you don’t have any responsibilities, then just trick yourself into thinking you’re being productive by giving yourself tiny goals until it’s time to get back into bed. For example, you haven’t checked the mail in a few days. So maybe you’ll do that before dinner. And maybe you can call your grandparents to say hi too, they’ll love that. Okay, that’s pretty good. You’ve done enough for today. Now all that’s left is taking a shower and getting back into your pajamas to get ready for tomorrow.