December 31, 2014
We’ve said it all along, girls and guys are never truly just friends. Sure you may think that you have sooo many homies that are dudes because you’re like, so chill, but really they either want something from you (sex) or want something from one of your friends (sex) and are going through you to get it. Usually us betches are the ones to put this delusional “friendship” to rest once the bro’s true intentions come to light, but what about when it’s you that wants more and he doesn’t? It doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s fucking sucks. Betches are used to guys wanting them and subsequently turning them down is frequent in the day-to-day betch life, so naturally when the tables are turned we’re pretty stunned. Here’s how to get friend-zoned gracefully so that you still come out on top…and not on top of him.
Okay so either you’ve made the first move on your “guy friend” or you told your hook-up that you want to be more—either way he promptly placed you in the “I like you but not like like you” middle-school bullshit category. Your initial reaction is laughter because like I’m sorry wut. Then anger because FUCK HIM, right?! But the third step is the most important: accept that he’s an idiot and you can do better. You weren’t actually dating him so there’s no reason to spend weeks eating Ben and Jerry’s and collecting chins. The good part is that you didn’t gain anything, but you didn’t really lose anything either. If anything, just focus your energy on looking hotter.
So the thing about the mirage that is a male friend is that they have a way of weaseling their way back into your life. Once you’ve accepted that he’s wrong for not wanting to be with you or that it wasn’t meant to be or whatever nice girl things your friends are whispering into your ear, the key is to ignore him. It’s easy to say that you guys “like really are still friends ” but this delusion only leads to you crying when you go out with him and he ends up making out with the try-hard skank at the bar who still thinks bodycon skirts are in. Or worse, if you two were hooking up before he will do whatever he can to continue hooking up with you while still keeping anything resembling a relationship at dick’s length away. Do not respond to his 2 am texts, do not respond to his random middle of the day texts about wanting to cuddle, do not agree to be his date to his little sister’s mitzvah. Why buy the betch when you can have the girlfriend for free? They won’t.
This goes without saying, but one of the fastest ways to get over a shady bro is to upgrade to a pro. Chances are the guy you’ve been pining over isn’t all that great, but a betch wouldn’t put her self out there if she weren’t receiving some sort of green light from him. That being said, if he doesn’t know what he wants with you, this probably translates to a lot of fucking confusion in other areas of his life. Find a pro with a good job, nice apartment, and most importantly who knows what he has when he has it. You can thank us when you see the look on the bro’s face when he sees you with someone else.