February 2, 2015
If by some strange miracle you’ve met a bro/pro that doesn’t repulse you due to any range of minuscule qualities, congratulations.
Relationships can be nice because you have someone that cares about you at least as half as much as you care about yourself. Plus, you also have two men in your life to buy you shit. The problem with actually dating someone though is that the game is never over. That 4 month pre-dating chase was just the appetizer.
For a true betch, keeping your boyfriend on his toes is as easy as just being yourself, because your resting betch face probably says a lot more than not texting back ever could. But, once a betch is in love, things like common sense can go down the hatch faster than spring break tequila shots.
Being in the relationship stage where you’re obviously both in love but it hasn’t been verbalized yet is a huge danger zone for losing. Because once you’re in love, it’s pretty much like word vomit. Every time he does something nice for you, or more likely every time you do something completely fucked up and need to get back in his good graces ASAP, you feel those losing words crawling out of your esophagus faster than last night’s fourth meal. You know it’s only a matter of martinis until it slips out one night for real.
So, how can a betch make sure she’s not the first one to say “I Love You”?
You have to strategize to get your boyfriend to quickly tell you that he loves you before you find yourself not biting your own tongue. Bros aren’t so different from betches really, and they’re probably avoiding saying it for the same reasons you are. They know that those three little words just shorten your whip, plus, what if you respond with the greatly feared “thanks?”
To make your boyfriend say “I love you”, you simply (and unfortunately) need to non-verbally show him that you love him too. To do this, you first need to be less scary. You may think your boyfriend isn’t afraid of you because he like, has sex with you and stuff, but you’d be surprised. Make him know that he doesn’t have to be intimidated by you through increasing the amount of compliments you give him from -12 to 4 a day, laughing occasionally with him instead of at him, and buying him a 6 pack or something. Then, simultaneously, give him way more space then you normally would so you just don’t look like you’ve all of a sudden become needy.
If that doesn’t work, then I don’t fucking know, maybe TBT it back to middle school and tell his BFF that you want him to tell you that he loves you. Just kidding. Please, don’t fucking do that.