June 18, 2015
The first thing that probably popped into your mind when you saw the title of this article is “WTF I know how to go on a date.” Well, just like you were wrong when you woke up this morning thinking it was Friday and you could wear jeans to work, you’re wrong again.
The type of date we’re talking about isn’t meeting at his place for a pregame with all your besties and all his bros. You can lie to yourself and pretend that you’ll show up sober to this to get to know this guy, but when the moment comes to leave you’ll pound about four shots before you leave your apartment.
All your aunts, married cousins, and other relatives above the age of 35 always corner you at family parties to discuss the plight of dating that the millennial generation has caused. This is not a conversation you want to have so you make up some shit about how you just went on a date last weekend. The eyes of the object of your irritation get all big, they slap your wrist, and say, “Details, now!”
You realize the last time you hung out with a guy sober one-on-one it was your dog. You have no fucking clue how to date so read on to get your shit together and maybe benefit from a free meal in the near future.
We know most of the advice your mom gives you would only work if it was still 1920, but this time she might actually have something decent to say because unlike you, she probably went on a shit ton of dates. And like, she’s married now so.
If you’re still wearing crop tops out you’re probably not old enough to date TBH.
You think alcohol solves everything and 99.9% of the time this is true, but stick to 2 glasses of wine tops because if you get too drunk you’ll be remembered as the sloppy girl who doesn’t understand how to date. If there’s a second date, you can order some tequila shots. Ease this guy into your blackout ways.
This isn’t brunch with your besties. You can reveal your endearing self to this bro with time.
You’re a betch so you’re not actually stupid, just kind of lazy at times. You know what you’re talking about so if this guy’s in the game for a trophy wife you’ll refer him to the dud of your friend group who loves to bake cakes in her spare time.
Nothing creepy or clingy outlining your future together, just a simple “thanks for dinner last night!”.