April 9, 2015
Betches obviously don’t give a shit about what anyone says or does. Talk about an exhausting waste of time reserved for try-hards and boring people. But then there is that occasional and rare moment when you’re like “wow, asshole, that was actually really mean,” like when your ex-boyfriend who you accidently hooked up with last night tells you that your vagina has certainly stretched out a bit since you dated or your dad tells you without joking that he’s genuinely concerned about your career prospects.
Anne Hathaway is about as betchy as getting your feelings hurt, but if handled appropriately, you can switch the situation into you winning in no time. Being aggressive or just ignoring the person is probably the go to betch move, but if the situation has to be addressed, “like actually, no my vagina isn’t looser your penis is just small,” then the betch move is to address it.
There is no better and more unexpected way to make the aggressor feel like an asshole and then be nice and possibly buy you shit if you pause the conversation and say “Wow, that like actually kind of hurt my feelings.” It sounds like advice from a preschool teacher because it is advice from a preschool teacher, but at the same time its completely manipulative because like who fucking says that anymore?
Next minute you have the person feeling like an apologetic asshole way more than he would if you told him he was an asshole, plus you look good because you’re like, communicating responsibly. It’s the same shit your parent pulled on you in high school when you got caught sleeping at your boyfriend’s house or stealing your parent’s vodka and them sitting you down and being like “I’m not mad just disappointed.”
So betches, next time you have to deal with a bitch not a betch, just put them in their place by using your words. Who knew preschool was teaching communication more advanced than your Comm major seminar “Managing Conflict through Communication” ever could?