September 9, 2014
The first 30 seconds after you post a picture to Instagram are some of the most anxiety-ridden seconds of a betch's life. You spent a solid five minutes editing your picture to make that your arm looks good in that filter and that group dud is cropped out. She went home after 3 drinks to her boyfriend and puppy– she doesn’t deserve to be in your smoking hot instagram.
This highly scrutinized process happens often, but in the grand scheme of a betch’s life not too much because half the time we Instagram we are blackout. Instagramming under the influence leads to choosing the Amaro filter where you look pasty AF, but since it’s the first filter you drunken fingers hit it’s the one that gets posted for your
followers fans to see.
This IDGAF post leads to major Sunday morning regrets – especially if you didn’t make it to at least 150 likes. Even more than drunk texting your boss saying that next time he emails you after 5 pm you will put bleach in his protein shake.
We can’t tell you how to fix that shit hole you got yourself into (maybe install an anti-drunk texting app?), but we can help you navigate the complex maze that is Instagram and the anxiety that comes with it.
This time is actually better to post because everyone and their fucking mother is on Instagram around 11 AM the next morning after going out. They are all lying in their beds contemplating why they always blackout and dance on any elevated surface available. Perfect time to scroll through Instagram during this period of reflection so you’re guaranteed a shit ton of likes.
When you look back down on your phone you will be overwhelmed by all the unread notifications and the rapid influx of Instagram likes that have accumulated. You may be more stressed out because all those pointless texts give you anxiety, but just don't answer them. Betches don’t answer irrelevant texts.
If you’re in a sorority then post a pic of your fucking sorority sisters and you’re guaranteed at least 5 million likes from girls you probably haven’t spoken more than 3 words to. Think about if what you’re posting appeals to the people who live vicariously through your Instagram profile.
This shit will obviously always be giving us anxiety, but just remember one thing and all will be okay: don’t post a fucking selfie every week because you will end up with 3 followers. Your mom, your dog (which shouldn’t even be a thing), and that stage 5 clinger from high school you just can’t get away from.