August 21, 2014
In a betch’s life, there are things that are known to be off-limits, which only makes us want them more. We get bored easily so a challenge is always a breath of fresh air in the day-to-day monotony of gel manicures and talking shit.
This is where your best friend’s hot and mysterious older brother comes in. He’s (by definition) a SAB. When you guys were younger he was the one who gave you and his sister rides and bought you Smirnoff Ices that you snuck in their basement while their mom was at some book club meeting. There was that one night you had one too many of those shitty sugary vodka knockoffs and you wandered upstairs in search of the “bathroom.” Even then you were coming up with excuses to run into your best friend’s bro.
Because you are a betch this attraction and interest was returned immediately. Or at least once you got boobs and starting going to his friends’ parties. Your IDGAF attitude was compromised when this bro started actively pursuing you and you actually were into it for once since all the losers your age were barely even back burner bros. You may have let the flirtation and tension build over a couple years, but you just never really knew whether to actually go for it or not.
When faced with this difficult decision of making your friendship incredibly awkward or turning away a hot bro, a betch really needs to think. Which is annoying because we hate doing work. Betraying your friends is the least betchy thing to do in the world (besides letting yourself get fat), so before you start meeting up with this bro you must consider what is at stake. If your best friend has bluntly told you before she would kill you and steal all your Louboutins if you ever hooked up with her brother, then don’t be an idiot. There are millions of other shady assholes to play mind games with.
However, if no words have ever been exchanged about making out with this guy, then by all means proceed. In this kind of situation, saying nothing isn’t the same thing as saying no.
And when we say proceed, we definitely mean with caution. You have to know that what you’re about to get yourself into is definitely dirty fucking waters. You will probably sneak around for the first few weeks because you can’t exactly tell your best friend casually over kale salads that you slept over her house last night. When she wasn’t home. In her brother’s bed.
Sneak around, but don’t sneak around for too long because that’s when shit gets really ugly. Be upfront with your best friend if you realize this (her) bro is actually worth it because no one likes a liar. Butter her up with some nice pity gifts and tell her she will always be your favorite sibling, but you’re into guys so going out with her brother obviously makes sense. If all else fails, tell her some bullshit about how being a best friend is sometimes about being selfless. And that Victoria Justice wrote a fucking song about her best friend’s brother so like, whatever it must be acceptable.