November 11, 2014
While we love rolling deep to a party, betches are guilty of shadily disappearing from them like JonBenet Ramsey. You might as well call us St. Patrick Van Gogh, because Betches are skilled in the art of Irish Exiting.
Betches can Irish Exit from any party, including but not limited to: mixers, your best friend’s birthday, baby showers, your niece’s bat mitzvah, etc whatever. A betch’s cue to leave is when she’s too blackout or bored to function or when her ex is like shadily hitting on her while his new gf is in the bathroom throwing up (ew). The betchiest way to leave a party is to disappear to twenty texts from your friends like “where’d you go”, "r u okay," or "bitch did u leave without me?"
When a betch Irish Exits, she won’t tell anyone she’s leaving, but she might casually tell the bro that’s buying her drinks that she’s going to the bathroom or like looking for her friend Sarah and that she’ll be back in five minutes. It’s worth noting that this might not be a complete lie - she might actually be looking for her friend Sarah but upon stumbling outside and not seeing Sarah, she gets bored and hops in a cab instead.
If a betch Irish Exits on a bro mid dance floor hookup, she’ll probably get some confused texts from him but no man left behind is reserved for the army and we’re not fucking soldiers. Deal with it. He’ll understand, and if he doesn’t, he can make it up to you by letting you win beer pong next time you’re at the house.
Irish Exits are shady because betches know when a friend says she is going home, there’s a 65% chance that it’s never true. If a betch says “don’t worry about me” then you know she is definitely not going home. Betches shadily ghost on functions for two reasons - she’s meeting up with her SAB or getting drunk food (aka pizza).
And no, if you think you actually just went straight home last night, you were just too blackout to remember any stops you made after you Malaysia Plane’d it from the CEO’s and Office Hoes party dressed like a slutty secretary.
In short, Irish Exits are the betchiest goodbye and only nice girls and The Beatles say hello and goodbye. Just make sure not to leave your phone or your debit at the bar. Cinderella is the least betchy of the Disney princesses.