February 26, 2015
Whether you're abroad or just trying to look cultured back at home, going to museums can be an essential but stressful part of the betch life. Some big museums are completely overwhelming, and there's like no way you can see everything. It's important to be strategic at museums so you don't embarrass yourself.
If you want to seem interested in what's going on, it's important to avoid the gift shop. It's fine to stop in at the end of your visit, but if you're more focused on the postcards than the actual art, that's definitely a red flag. Also unless you're at the Louvre or something equally as cool don't waste your fucking money at the gift shop. Everything looks super cool but you'll get home and be like why did I spend 20 Euro on a little booklet that I will literally never read.
When you're going to a large museum, having a game plan is important. Wandering around aimlessly isn't cute, and you definitely don't want to ask the security guard for directions. Get a map when you first arrive, and decide immediately what you want to see first. Be clear with your group how long you want to stay, so that way you're not getting dragged around the Renaissance art wing for four hours and missing happy hour at the hotel bar.
If you're with a really slow group, it can be hard to keep yourself occupied the whole time. I like art as much as the next betch, but I can only look at a sculpture for so long before I'm ready to move on. Sometimes reading the labels can be a really great way to stay busy (sometimes they're interesting!), but it's also a good idea to find a partner that you're on the same page with so you can talk to each other while you're waiting for everyone else to fucking analyze each thing.
At pretty much any museum, it's imperative that you don't ask questions about the collection to the people who work there. They either won't know the answer, or they'll be so excited that someone spoke to them that they won't stop talking for like six minutes. Halfway through and you'll be so sorry you ever asked what Rembrandt's last name was. It's better to keep questions to a minimum, but you can also ask your friends or just fucking google something.
Even if you feel like your legs are about to fall off, try not to sit down. Most museums have like one tiny bench in every room, but it's definitely a trap. Sitting down in the gallery is a prime sign of weakness, and everyone in your group will know that you were done looking at stuff before them. If you get done early, just stand in front of one thing and stare at it so people will think you're really focused.
This only applies to certain museums, but it's very important. Always always always avoid the kids exhibit. I know you want to play with the dinosaur fossils, but everyone else will be in the grownup dinosaur room and you will look like a fucking child. Unless everyone wants to go, leave the coloring supplies until next time. Also kids are gross so it's basically a blessing.
Armed with this advice and your common sense, you should be able to appear competent at your next museum visit. Just remember, keep your head down and don't ask questions!