Even though New York’s weather is legitimately more batshit than my horoscope is predicting my mood will be this month, the summer season is almost upon us. Which means life is about to be all trips to the Hamptons, rooftop happy hours, and weddings that you pretend to be excited about spending $600 on a plane ticket to attend. And if you’re like me and my friends then you know that the only reason we leave our air conditioned living rooms to do any of this shit is for the Insta.
That being said, group photos are actual sabotage. Half the time I look like GiGi Hadid — you know if she were having, like, a really rough day—and the other half of the time I look like an extra on one of those TLC freak shows.
I mean, how am I supposed to show my ex-boyfriend and that one girl from high school who made fun of my eyebrows that I'm living my best life if not through my Instagram feed? HOW?? Sighs. But this is where I come in, because years of being a wannabe Instagram model have done nothing but prepare me for this article. So here’s 5 tips to always look look good AF in photos:
Literally words I have never said before but I guess there’s a first time for everything. I picked this trick up from Stylecaster.com because it fucking works. Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth while you smile is a V effective way to elongate your neck and jawline. This is important because, as we all know, some days we look we’ve lost three pounds and other days we should just try Sears.
Using this tongue trick is a sure way to banish your double-chins from photos forever. Blessings.
Everyone always says this but that’s because it’s fucking true. If you've even watched one episode of America’s Next Top Model then you know that Tyra is constantly using this line with the cute Nice Girl from Nebraska who might have the model look but Tyra's not sure if she has the “it" factor.
That being said, there are two parts of your body that you need to keep in mind when you consider your angles. First, there’s your face aka the constant source of sabotage in my
selfie game life. You should avoid at all costs a direct head-on shot of your face because that’s just asking for you to feel personally victimized in your friend's wedding album on Facebook. *shudders* Instead, stand a little bit sideways and tilt your chin either a little bit upwards or a tad downwards like so:
Another angle for you to consider is your torso. Twisting your body at an angle and popping a hand on your hip gives the appearance that you are thinner than the two donuts you scarfed down like a rabid animal at your department meeting this morning. It’s a classic look and it shouldn’t be taken for granted—hence why you see every sorority girl in the nation posing this way.
You know exactly what I’m talking about here. There’s always that one friend in the group photo who you tell to “just be natural!” and she inevitably fucks it up by looking like this:
Like, Jesus Christ, Carol, get your shit together. What your hands/arms are doing in a picture is V important to not looking like the home-schooled jungle freak in your friend group. If you want to switch up your pose, try putting your hand in your pockets for a sleeker, more sophisticated look. Or if you’re not sure what you’re doing with your hands, and probs your life, there’s always the classic hands on the hip combo.
This is a classic way to change up your body stance while also making your legs look like Kendall Jenner’s. If you’re one of those that likes to have your friend take pictures of you standing in front of like, graffiti walls in Brooklyn or whatever, then this tip is about to be a game changer for you. Crossing your legs at your calf makes your hips look narrower and your legs look longer.
I swear to god if I see one more SRAT squat photo I will lose my fucking mind. Seven girls huddled together in front of a scenic background? How original.
If you want to be semi-original and not piss me off on social media then for THE LOVE OF GOD pick a different pose from the rest of your friends. Not only will it make you stand out in the photo but it will also give you a personality, something staged group photos are almost always lacking.
At the end of the day I’m not a goddamn photographer so, like, do what you want. But if you use the above tips for all of your Instagram endeavors don’t be surprised if that ex of yours slides into your DMs faster than you can say "I just woke up like this." You’re welcome.