How To Make 3 Smoothies That Don't Fucking Suck | Betches

How To Make 3 Smoothies That Don't Fucking Suck

By Betchy Crocker

Sooo while we’re on that whole “I wanna lose three pounds” thing, you should probs start getting used to a liquid diet—and I don’t mean vodka sodas and shots.


After gorgefest this weekend, you have three weeks of getting your body back in its tip-top shape before you ruin it again with Christmas cookies and binge drinking during New Year’s. Don’t think about it—it’s too upsetting.

You should be eating nothing but steamed veggies at this point, but to supplement your appalling hunger (stop whining), here are a few not fucking disgusting smoothie recipes that you don’t need a fucking $1,000 juicer for. It’s a JUICER, hipsters—calm.

1. Mango Smoothie

Because you want to remember (or… not) spring break.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup chopped mango
  • ½ cup coconut milk
  • ½ cup ice
  • ¼ cup plain low-fat or Greek yogurt
  • 1 tbsp honey or agave

Place in the ingredients in a fucking blender. I shouldn’t have even have had to type that.

2. Green Smoothie

Because you want to look super hip during yoga class...

Ingredients:

  • 1 avocado (peeled, obv)
  • 1 small banana (peeled)
  • 1 orange (peeled and seeds removed)
  • 1 cup spinach
  • 1 ½ cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk or vanilla coconut milk

 

I’m not typing out fucking instructions for this people.<--break->

3. Chocolatey Smoothie

Because you fucking love chocolate...

Ingredients:

  • ½  avocado
  • 2 tbsp Dutch-process cocoa powder (if you want to use fucking not Dutch press idc)
  • 1 banana
  • ¼ cup plain yogurt (if you neeeeed this to be sweeter, use vanilla yogurt)

Place all ingredients inside a large hat and place inside oven. Sit in corner. I’M KIDDING—FUCKING BLEND IT TOGETHER.

I’m sure you’re all brimming with suggestions, so feel free to write them below so I can ignore you. Also, keep in mind that even though these have like, fruit, it’s STILL FUCKING SUGAR. So, having one of these does not give you a free pass to eat a cookie. Put it back, Precious.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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