December 21, 2014
Let’s talk about sext. Sexting, that is. Everyone knows that witty text game is as important as real life game, and betches are always on point. However, sometimes texting can escalate to more than just flirty banter. We’re talking about getting a dirty text from a bro.
There are several occasions where this might happen. The first and most common is some rando on Tinder thinks he’s really clever and gets right to the point. Gross. Big red flag if a rando you’ve never met is already trying to get to home base via words on a screen. Like, nothing less attractive than knowing you just mass texted “I wanna lick your c***” to fifty matches on Tinder. Have some self respect, bro, you smell more desperate than a trench soldier in WWI. Obvi, don’t respond to this.
Aside from unwarranted sexts from randos, sexting with bros you actually like is a game you can and should play. Usually, the conversation will escalate to the point where both of you want something to happen. Hopefully, that’s the case. Nothing more awkward than sending an apathetic “haha yeah” text and getting an explicit order to do something naughty back from a bro. First of all, if he pops the dirty text cherry with you and you are not feeling it, find a playful way to gently respond - he is nervous AF at what he just did and probably misread your witty banter for something more. Like, an emoji of a blushing face will do it.
So what if you’re into it, but you don’t know how to respond? Like, say you’re not a dirty talker, but you think it’s super hot. If you’re too shy to talk about what you’re thinking of doing to him, start by letting him know it’s game on with some leading questions. For example, you can say “What else do you want me to do?” and it will give him the green light to keep going. Or, if you want to be a little more aggressive - go with “Tell me what you want me to do.”
The best time to get a dirty text is obvi when you’re not supposed to be getting it, like when you’re giving a presentation at work or at your aunt’s birthday party. Just make sure he’s alone - if he’s with any friends they’re definitely reading every word of your conversation. Tell him to send you a pic just to be sure or you’re going to have a hard time looking his friend Pete in the eyes at football next Sunday.
If you need more ideas on what to text, keep it fucking simple. The last thing you’d want is to write a Charles Dickens essay that nobody can follow. Sexting is hot because the idea of it is hot. So you don’t need to be working that hard. If this is a bro you're hooking up with, he already knows what you look like naked and is probably thinking about it anyways. Tell him you're turned on if you are, and let him fill in the details. Say "I want to ______" and pick something, seriously anything, to fill in that blank. Touch, lick, suck, fuck, grab, bite, kiss - play roulette with verbs and body parts. Whatever. Like, if all else fails, talk about his dick.
Okay, so now you're over it and you have to go to brunch with your mom. How do you make it stop? When you’re over it, text him “That was hot. I just came.” Boom. End of conversation. If he hasn’t finished yet, he’ll get the hint. Happy sexting.