How Do I Ruin My Cheating Ex-Boyfriend's Life? Ask a Pro

By The Betches

Dear Head Pro:

I've been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks now.. Not exclusive... Yet. Here's the dilemma..last weekend I decided to engage in some oral sex which I love doing. This was the first time however that my mouth was near his friend because we haven't had sex yet. Maybe it was nerves but when I went exploring he wasn't completely hard but I figured with some mouth action we would get to the point. A few minutes later, less than 5, I just looked up and said no? Because it wasn't going anywhere. Didn't comment on it again we just talked and I left...obviously he is embarrassed. 4 days go by and I make the utter mistake of texting him "I've been thinking of you come stop by on your way home from the office." 2 hours later he responds with  "can't have to take friend home and I've got laundry" wtf!?! How do I dig myself out of this!? Met the family btw and all his friends.. We aren't kids (24&30) so I'm not sure how to get past this maturely.


Confused & D-less

Some guys are just weird about weird shit. Some guys probably have the opposite problem, like they love getting dome but freak out over sex. Whatever, not your problem. Alternatively, he could have been drunk, which can have that effect from time to time. Either that or you’re disgusting and the sight of you repulses him and he doesn’t even know why he dates you but it’s like this thing he can’t seem to get out of and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing with his life. But yeah, probably one of the other things, though.

Head Pro,

Last year I started going out with this guy who I really liked. Everything was going perfectly until one weekend he went out with his boys, got way too fucked up, and cheated on me. He admitted all of this to me while crying and begging for my forgiveness, but like any self respecting betch, I dumped him before he could even finish apologizing. Even though I know I shouldn't care about this loser who obviously isn't worthy of me since he cheated, I can't help but be pissed. I was with this guy for a while, loved him and lost my virginity to him, so I'm pretty fucking angry.

Forget the fact that I loved him, I don't want anyone to think they can just cheat on me and go on living their life without paying severe consequences for it. I recently found out some information about him that I could use to get him in a lot of trouble at school, at least suspended but most likely expelled. No one will ever know that I'd be the one getting him in trouble and I'd get so much satisfaction seeing his ass get kicked out of school and never have to see him again. What's the betchiest thing to do? Be a little snitch and show this guy that if you mess with me I'll mess with you back, only way harder and better, or pretend I don't give a shit and just let him get away with what he did?


Revenge Seeking Betch

Yes, your sissy crying boyfriend cheated on you so you should absolutely ruin his life. You’ll feel really good about yourself ten years from now when he’s bagging your groceries because you prevented him from going to college. If you want revenge, date one of his friends or something. High school is, like, SO HARD.

Dear Head Pro,

Hoping this doesn't come off too painfully lame, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I need some honest male advice. Throughout college, I've had a great time getting wasted with my friends and making out with lots of people. I've had a few solid flings but nothing serious. I have had a great, typical, college experience with the exception of one thing- I'm still a virgin. I just consider sex to be a serious thing and it sort of just never happened. Now that I am about to graduate, I find myself wondering if I want to wait until I am married. I am worried that it will scare guys away, but I obviously know its not something to casually bring up on a first date. Up until this point, being a virgin hasn't caused any issues, and I'm in no way trying to get married any time soon. My main question is would I be limiting my options if I decide to wait?


Help me im poor

Yes, probably.




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