September 23, 2015
I'm pretty sick of hearing about how basic true betches can be. Yes, some of us enjoy Pumpkin Spice Lattes and basically everything else from Starbucks. Yes, we love the iPhone. Yes, we've already worn the "Hans Solo" uniform (i.e. boots, leggings, a blouse and vest) multiple times this season.
A lot of people assume basic is bad because, when you're basic, you aren't trying really hard to be unique, like everyone else. I say nay, I love a lot of things many would consider "basic" because they're actually awesome, comfortable or just convenient.
Also, have you noticed it's usually the most basic of bros who love calling girls basic? Let's shine the light on bros for just a minute. Can you really find a group of people who are more similar in every way than a group of normal dude friends? No. And here's your list of identifying marks of a basic bro.
Pretty much all normal dudes like sports and it's a boring topic. I'm actually not impressed by your ability to talk about stats, players, and why L.A. does or doesn't need a football team. Like every man I know can do that. I'm sure some betches love talking about sports, that's fine too. Just don't think you're the coolest and most unique guy out there because you really love the Red Sox. You're basic.
I have my Starbucks, you have your special craft brew. You drink Coors at the tailgate, Corona on the beach, and then think I'm impressed when you order some fancy IPA on our date. Like florals in spring, your love of beer is not groundbreaking. Your flip cup and pong skills are equally as impressive, and by that I mean not at all.
Don't come at me about how leggings and boots are basic when your idea of style is putting on a gingham shirt. We all wear our signature outfits out of laziness, mostly. They're also comfortable, I get that. Let's all give each other a break and not call anything basic or oh so typical. If you see me in a gray onesie A la Kim Jong Un, then you can call me basic and probably also a communist. Until then, lay off.
Basic dudes always have a favorite sitcom. It's usually How I Met Your Mother, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Modern Family or, if they're trying really hard, Seinfeld. None of these shows are terrible, in fact, most are pretty damn enjoyable. It's the predictability of picking one of these sitcoms as your favorite that's basic. They're so universally funny, it won't make you stand out. Tell me you like Reading Rainbow or something, I'll think you're a pedo, but definitely not basic.
See? We're all basic. Basically human, that is. So fuck off and let me drink my PSL in a pile of fall leaves while wearing Lululemons and Ugg boots. I happen to like it that way..