January 23, 2015
We all have that one friend (or maybe it’s more than one for you unlucky people) that is obsessed to an annoying degree with taking selfies. I’m not talking about like, ironically, or a group selfie on IG because there isn’t a photog around, but talking like unsolicited James Franco degree of self-love.
You can tell if you have a Selfie-Lover on your hands if her Instagram looks like the Zoolander calendar… “it’s all one look!” Like, we get what your face looks like. She’s usually mastered her favorite angle to match a gross face pose like a sparrow pout or duck face. She’ll use this expression in every single photo of herself with slightly different captions each time. The captions range from inspirational quotes (Marilyn Monroe topping the list) to real time updates about her day such as “just woke up! sun is shining bright!” to “long day at work. taking a coffee break!” We get it, you’re alive.
Somehow, the selfie lover always manages to wake up at ungodly hours to “go for a run” and is always “getting ready for bed” when the sun goes down. Generally speaking, she’s attractive and elicits the desired responses from her male followers she seeks, but God, her pictures are so boring. They’re like, literally all the same. Except you can tell when she’s having a particularly bad day because they’ll usually feature more cleavage than usual. It’s alarming to see these photos on your feed because as a betch, we feel sorry for someone that needs that much validation. Like, for once just agree you’re really pretty and move on.
Other ways to spot a Selfie Lover (or know if you are one yourself):
Her #TBT is just a picture of her face from last week.
She puts on makeup to take an “after gym” photo.
She takes an “after gym” photo.
She takes a “before gym” photo.
Any photos at the gym.
You always know what outfit she’s going to be wearing before you see her.
The left side of her face has never been photographed.
We’re not saying that selfies are off limits. We love the selfie as much as any perfect human would, obvs. But when we can’t tell what country you visited in your vacation album because it’s just up close photos of your face, you should probably flip the camera in the other direction more. Love thyself, but like, not that much.