How To Survive A Mid Summer Slump

By Blackout Betch

It’s almost August and you’re really starting to fucking hate summer. You’re sick of sweating your tits off every time you get into the car. You’re so done with dealing with your parents who find it unacceptable that you come home blacked out on a Thursday night. They just don’t get that your summer dreams of tanning and drinking mimosas every day were crushed when they forced you to get a summer job and the only way you can cope is by drowning your sorrows in a bottle of vodka every weekend.

You’re suffering from the mid summer slump. Every college betch goes through it and even some post grad betches do too when they realize life after graduation is not the glamorous lifestyle they imagined. Turns out if you want become Miranda Priestly you actually have to work, which is a word that hasn't been part of your vocabulary since you were accepted into college. Maybe even earlier than that if you had the smart Asian girl fill out your college apps in exchange for style tips.

When you realize you still haven’t lost those last 3 pounds that make you look like a whale in your Itsy bikini and you’re about to cry in a bathroom stall because you can’t take another second staring at Excel spreadsheets, take a deep breath and think about all the betches before you who have survived the mid summer slump by doing the following:




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