June 25, 2015
Summer has always been the betchiest season because it’s the time of the year when you can easily do nothing and get away with it, without making excuses. It’s obvious a betch has way more concerns in October than in July. Most of these are driven by being pale and making up our minds about what we want for Christmas, which is a huge pain in the ass.
This has been the seasonal betch stress pattern up until she turns about 20 years old. Suddenly she realizes she needs to graduate or else her parents will cut her off completely. And making shit up about career aspirations is getting old so the only way to get your shit together is to sacrifice tanning time and register for a summer class.
You swore you would never lower yourself to the peasant level of studying during months where the UV index is always above an 8, but you clearly have no other choice so you must face the reality of messing up your blissful vacation.
Getting through the miserable 2 hour long class won’t be as bad when you realize your community college is ten times easier than any of the overly complicated shit your professors spew at your actual college, but here are some tips to make sure you don’t find yourself being befriended by the 25 year old in braces that insists on sitting next to you everyday despite there being 30 open seats in the classroom.
You give even less of a shit about statistics now than you do usually so bring your Kindle or the newest Cosmo or you’ll end up playing tic tac toe against…yourself.
This will make everyone think you’re the best person ever so getting them to send you the homework later on won’t be as hard.
Chances are you’ll be going out to drink right after this class (it is summer, duh) so come to class prepared with vodka in a water bottle. This takes you back to your high school days and gets you through the last half hour of this shit.
Obviously put a tank over that you don’t want to attract any unnecessary attention, but you won’t even have to stop home and change after. This will keep you motivated to get through the class.
Wear extra mascara that day to get your point across that your time truly is precious when the sun is shining..