How To Survive College Winter Session

By Blackout Betch

As a betch in college, you know just how shitty being home for a long period of time can get. You’ve exhausted all your options of avoiding people you hate at home and you’re fucking bored. You've had just about enough of your mom telling at you to be “productive” (finishing a season of Friends in one day IS productive so hop off) and you honestly can’t drink with your high school friends anymore because in their lame opinion you blackout too much. When the shit hits the fan this bad you have the option to get it together and go back to school and take a class during winter session.

Basically all (betchy) colleges offer a winter session so sign up for some bullshit class like Philosophy 101 and let the blacking out and questionable decisions begin. Winter session is the ultimate betch of all college semesters because by definition it literally means not giving a fuck and not doing work while still enjoying all the perks of being in college.

You’re with your besties 24/7 because besides the 1-hour class you have (which is obvs after 12 but before 3) you are not doing anything but drinking, watching TV, and talking shit. It’s a win-win scenario on all accounts because your parents are essentially funding your time to party and you don’t even have to keep up with homework or anything because even the professors show up to class in sweats. Not one person on campus gives a fuck and if they do they’re probably some computer science nerd who’s a triple major and double minor. 

Surviving winter session is really not a hard thing to do. Sure, you may get bored sometimes and feel awkward walking around campus when it feels like there are 5 people there, but when this happens you just drink. There may be a shortage of people on campus, but there’s never a shortage of tequila.

If you’re in a relationship, enjoy the last few weeks of cuffing season because you know once the first tulip pops out of the ground (that’s what happens in the spring, right?) you will be itching to hit the day drinks single when your boyfriend starts asking questions like “Why do you bring the whole bag of Franzia out with you?” ON TO THE NEXT ONE. Have a lot of sex because it’s going to be fucking cold and there’s not much else to do if you’re dating when it snows unless you’re into going ice skating with your BF, which if you are, you should probably find a new site to read.

One day you will eventually have to grow up, graduate, and find a fuck to give so winter session is your time to take advantage of this magical time of the year to do everything you’ve ever wanted to do and not get shit for it.

Just don’t go around telling people how excited you are to have a snowball fight and drink hot chocolate because then you will be forced to befriend that computer science guy and start learning how to write HTML codes or some shit.




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