January 8, 2015
It’s only a few days into the new year, and most of us are already over it. Let’s be honest, other than summer, there’s only one thing to look forward to after Christmas. If you guessed “Valentine’s Day”, GTFO. Spring break, idiot. The fact that we get to trade in work, school and the disgusting remnant of winter for partying and a tan is a miracle in and of itself and one that cannot come soon enough. So, how do we make it until then? How do we push through the next few months when all we can see is an eternity of sweatpants, ashy skin, and Bravo re-runs?
Nothing brightens a dark winter day like a glass (or five) of Malbec. And what better way to chase the winter blues away than with a bottle of cab? Due to the high volume you will be consuming, it may be a good idea to go on the cheaper side because much like prostitutes, cheap wine still gets the job done. Now, there will be the occasional next-morning onset of the wine flu, but you know what the cure for that is? MORE WINE.
The second answer goes hand in hand with the first. As much as we hate to admit it, wine is not calorie free. It actually has a shit ton of calories, so if you’re going to adopt a wine regiment this winter, you’re going to need to learn how to put down the glass and get your ass to the gym. And I don’t mean just work out, work out like it’s your job. Spinning, pilates, boot camp, barre classes: whatever it takes. If you’ve spent all your money on wine, good for you…now go run six miles. If you’re finding it difficult to find inspiration, see answer 3 below.
This can’t be just anyone. It needs to be a bad betch with a rockin’ bod and exceptional eyebrows (i.e. any Victoria’s Secret model ever). Alessandra Ambrosia is a classic, but new frontrunners like Cara Delevigne and Karlie Kloss are more than acceptable. Follow her insta and even print out pictures and post them around your house in key locations: your TV or laptop (would Alessandra watch Netflix for 3 hours and then pass out?) or the refrigerator (would Alessandra eat that?). Well, Alessandra probably survives off a liquid diet for 90% of the year, so that answer is always “no,” but you get the point. You may say, “Hey! I need to treat myself now and then. I deserve a reward for my hard work.” Well, you do get a reward. It’s called wine and it’s the best thing ever so get over it.
Jk lol. If you have time for a hobby you’re either 85 or not working out enough.
Ok, last thing. Spring break should be your final goal, but you’re not going to get very far if you don’t have anything going on along the way. Get tickets to a concert, take a day off work and get a massage, plan girls night that doesn’t suck, or take a weekend trip somewhere that isn’t 5 degrees. If you have little things to look forward to, the weeks will definitely go by faster. Not going to lie, it’s still going to be terrible, but with these tricks, winter is bound to be at least a little more bearable.