How To Use Shitty Weather As An Excuse To Not Do Shit | Betches

How To Use Shitty Weather As An Excuse To Not Do Shit

By Blackout Betch

When it rains, it pours – why a betch won’t do anything if the weather sucks.


Not only is cuffing season upon us, but also the time of the year when, if you don’t have an oversized parka, you really should just never leave your bed unless you want frostbite and to ultimately look like shit.

Betches already hate doing work, but when it’s colder than our hearts outside our motivation to participate in real life activities decreases by ten fold. This is when our talent of making shit up really comes in handy. How else would we manage to call our boss and tell her that we won’t be coming in today because our sister just went into labor in Minnesota and we have to be on the next flight out or shit will go down. Fingers crossed she doesn’t remember how you drunkenly cried about being an only child at happy hour last week. If she does, throw in some more tears and say some bullshit like how she doesn’t get the pressure your family is under right now.

Really the only pressure that you’re under is figuring out how not to get your brand new booties dirty in the snow.

We rarely need an excuse to get out of doing work, but if we ever feel guilty (on the rare occasion we have feelings) about it we can just use the frigid temp outside as an excuse to rationalize our inability to haul ass across Manhattan to get to the office.

If you live in an area where winter isn’t a thing you can relate to this issue by not doing shit when it rains. All the same applies except the rain might be even more tragic because it makes our hair frizzy. You know you were a betch when you skipped classes in high school because it was raining outside. Ain’t nobody got time for mother nature’s shit.

Fugly girls will trek through the snow, the rain, probably even a tornado to get work/school/any other obligation they have. Betches will say, “fuck it” and spend the day in bed watching Netflix and drinking Starbucks that they made their bro go out and pick up for them.

The only thing you can’t use shitty weather as an excuse for is going out. If you say you’re staying in because “it’s cold” or “there’s a hurricane out there” you’re one of the worst types of people to walk the Earth: those who get excited to stay in. The betch mentality is the harder it rains/snow, the harder we drink.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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