September 9, 2014
Wiz Khalifa probably thought he was so revolutionary when he released the song “Work Hard, Play Hard.” He clearly was stoned out of his mind because this idea is more wrong than the people who prefer Dunkin’ Donuts to Starbucks. At least he’s not poor like they are.
Betches are the epitome of work hard, play hard. We have been doing it since birth and will continue to be mastering this enviable technique until we take our last betchy breath. Before we go into how betches do it, we want to make it clear that the “work hard” part of this mantra has nothing to doing real life work that the lame 99% of the population does on a daily basis. Betches hate doing work, but betches love being successful and getting shit done while still blacking out and being the hottest girl in the room so that’s where it all comes together. We are the 1% in the sense that we are living proof that the trifecta of being sexy, smart, and having questionable drinking habits is a real thing.
Being lazy and having no direction in life is the equivalent of letting your roots grow out and getting fat. Being passionate about something that you love doing, but that doesn’t cut into your social calendar is the ultimate goal in life and betches are better at managing this than we are at Soul Cycle.
To those jealous fugly losers who accuse betches of living off of our dads' credit card and blacking out too much – you’re right. The thing you simple-minded shits don’t realize is that these things are not the only things that make us the betches we are.
We have things we love doing outside of getting our nails done and talking shit. We don’t HAVE to do these things, but being a betch is all about gaining recognition for the shit you’re pretty fucking good at and betches love attention so naturally we pursue careers where we can boss people below us around (betchy CEOs, we’re looking at you) or where we can get overnight famous for discovering a cure for a disease that no unbetchy girl (who probably wears Crocs on the job) would have every thought of? It’s not doing work because we love doing it and no one gets shit done better than a betch. We’ve been outsmarting the bros out there since age 12 so why not put our expertise to use in the real world?
At the end of the day, we are still the ones dancing on top of the bars with our skinny arms thrown in the air with bros basically begging to buy us drinks. Unlike fat girls who get winded and have to sit down after one song, we’re up there all night and then we get up the next day and kill it in yet another part of life: our careers.
So Wiz, sit down and stop stealing our ideas. We are the original creators of work hard, play hard and we’re sick of the fugly haters thinking we can’t be successful at running the boardroom and then running the bar scene. Bottom line: betches run shit.