September 12, 2012
As betches who reserve the limited space in our hearts for items of true value like gold studded iphone cases and red sole shoes, it's obvious that the space in our stomachs is restricted to edible valuables as well, like Diet Coke, sushi, and adderall. But unlike our hearts, our stomachs will always leave a little room for the betchiest snack of the Mediterranean, hummus.
Pronounced hummus, hoom-oos, or simply humz, this healthy snack is all the rave in betches' refrigerators around the world. It was probably the first food that every betch bought in college and felt like she was being soooo fucking healthy. Hummus will protect me from the freshman 15!
Betches judge every book by its cover, and hummus is obviously healthy because it LOOKS like it is. By that we mean, the extremely appetizing pasty consistency of hummus ensures portion control. Every betch knows hummus is totes healthy, as long as it's eaten with cucumbers or 1-2 air chips.
Hummus haters might point out the nutrition label and alleged caloric content of this snack but like, why are you so anti-hamas? Isn't pita bread the real enemy?
Think about it, what word precedes 'goddess' almost all of the time? Greek. And what comes from Greece? Hummus. Everyone knows foreign condiments are elite and exotic. It's like queso, but for people who speak english and like, aren't gross.
Don't know where to get the most delicious hummus? Just ask a JAB, and she will almost always point you to the most authentic of Israeli restaurant chains, Aroma, where you can have a side with your diced cucumber tomato salad and then instagram your coffee. So, all of you Sabra sluts and Tribe tramps need not worry any longer, you have our permission to dip away. After all, they're called chic peas for a reason.