July 28, 2014
Dear Head Pro,
So my ex and I broke up about a year ago. He thought I was cheating on him because I work at a bar and some girl sent him a picture of me talking to a guy while working.. Sorry I'm in college and have to work, but to accuse me of cheating when I was asking some douche if he wanted a bud light or coors light? Rude. Anyways, that was the only flaw in our relationship-- his own insecurity. Losing someone you love sucks obviously, but because of something you didn't do is even worse.
So it's been a year and recently he's been sending me the occasional snapchat here and there. Sometimes I reply, mostly I don't. We have (had?) a dog, but he stays with him and I rarely see him so sometimes he'll tag me in a picture or two that looks like our dog. He also would send me random texts asking how I was and how I need to see the dog-- nothing big. Anyways, I posted a snap story saying how I was going to Vegas to see one of his favorite performers and seriously seconds later I got a text from him saying how badly he wants to go, so I invited him because it was a couples trip and I was going solo and because, why not?
So he comes, we have the best time ever. Drunkenly go clubbing and get food, go back to the room and cuddle all night-- no kissing involved (that I remember). Wake up in the morning with barely a hangover and laughed all morning and all of a sudden we started having super passionate sex. But he lasted less than a minute and claimed it was because he missed having sex with me and admitted he had been out of practice for awhile.. After that we showered and left Vegas. No lovey dovey stuff after either, not even a small hand hold in the car. But when we got to my house he gave me a long kiss goodbye and said how glad he was we finally saw each other after so long. Now he's been texting me every other day, playing texting games like taking hours to respond or saying how he wants to go to the fair but won't take the initiative to invite me when he knows I've never been and am dying to go-- stupid. Now I'm just torn between trying not to be the desperate ex that's still in love (because I am but I don't really show it) or just calling if quits while I'm still ahead.
Dear Confused Ex,
Eh, it’s confusing to you because you’re in the middle of it, but I think this is a pretty standard part of the ex-boyfriend life cycle, albeit kind of out of order according to the official taxonomy. What happens to you happens all the time, it’s just that you magnified everything by having it happen in Vegas, thereby making it seem more “special.”
People do what you all did because after the sadness of breaking up, followed by the euphoria of realizing the freedom of being single, you come crashing down again because being single kind of sucks. Yes, having options and no commitments is its own kind of nice, but having to jump through a bunch of hoops any time you want to do something not by yourself gets real old, real fast (not to mention when it wasn’t your choice to be single in the first place). Hopping back in bed with an ex, on the other hand, is like sliding on an old pair of jeans - it feels awesome for a while, but before too long you slowly notice the stains and tears that remind you of why you got rid of them in the first place. He’s probably beginning to make that realization.
Honestly? This is a chance for you to take charge and end things on your terms, not his. Look - he sucked then, and he likely still sucks now. The past year has probably done nothing for his crippling insecurities, so despite how you feel you really don’t want to go down that road again. Instead be like “You know, what happened in Vegas was exactly what I needed to close things up. We broke up for a reason, so let’s not talk anymore.” He might get pissy about losing control over you (insecure people love being in control), but guess what? If that’s the case, then I was right all along, and I think we can all agree that’s what’s really important here.
He can have the stupid dog,
Dear Head Pro,
I've been with my current boyfriend for the last 3 years. We've been on/off because I've caught him sexting with other girls and lying about certain things. We've had trust issues in the past but lately things have been working out.
A few weeks ago he asked me for $50 dollars to fix his car, promising to pay me back in a few days. I gave him the money but he never paid me back, which was fine since I figured he would eventually. Then he asked me for $150 because his paycheck "wasn't deposited" into his account and he had some bills to pay. Again, I gave him the money and he still hasn't paid me back. Every time we go out he seems to forget his wallet or is short on cash, so I always end up paying for everything.
The other day we were hooking up at his place when he asked me if I wanted to go into the kitchen. I left my purse in the bedroom and he said he would get dressed and be right there. He came back a while later and all was fine. I had about $100 dollars in cash with me when I got to his apartment. I took an Uber home and when I opened my wallet I noticed all my cash was gone. I went straight from his place to mine and we were completely alone. I'm positive he took it but I haven't confronted him. He's acting like everything is normal and even had the balls to ask for another $50 dollars.
For me, the money isn't an issue but the fact that he stole from me. I genuinely love him and we've been through a lot that it feels like a waste to just throw our relationship away. I don't know if I should confront him or just dump him?
Dear Sugar Momma,
Yikes, ok. Let’s get this out of the way first: I’m not entirely surprised your dirtbag boyfriend resorted to theft, because we’re taught that as men, being broke is about as emasculating as it gets. Doubly so if you have to rely on your girlfriend to pay for shit. It’s of course a stupid notion and one that could be avoided through, y’know, simple communication, but it is what it is. That said, fuck this and fuck him.
If your boyfriend can’t keep from sexting other girls, and now can’t seem to say “hey, I have money issues, and I need your help, both now and getting better about this in the future,” then he’s an immature piece of shit who doesn’t need to be in a relationship. It’s that simple. You apparently keep your shit in order such that you have enough to lend him money on a regular basis; he does not. Again, I don’t blame him for feeling like shit because he isn’t where he wants to be financially, I’ve been there. But also again, if he can’t man up and let you be a part of his situation without fucking stealing, then he doesn’t need to be in a relationship at all. I mean, isn’t that the point of a relationship, being there for each other and shit?
You can’t “waste” a relationship by “throwing it away.” Think about it - over the course of your life, all but one relationship will be “thrown away,” save for the one you’re in when you die (if you’re in one at all when that happens). What you can do, on the other hand, is waste years and years of your life dating losers because you were too sentimental to do the right thing. Confront him or break up with him? I say both!
What does he need all this money for, is he a drug addict?