May 2, 2014
She’s blonde, she’s gorg, she’s either killing the rap game or just ehh, depending on who you ask: she’s Iggy Azalea.
Just like the rest of the world, we’re first going to focus on Iggy’s appearance. Aside from being totally fucking hot, Iggy started out as a model aka getting paid to be skinny and dress like a slut. One time, Iggy Azalea wore high-waisted shorts and crop tops, so I bought high-waisted shorts and crop tops. She also has a huge ass so we’re not quite sure how that one worked out but hey, if Kim is on the cover of Vogue anything is possible I guess.
This betch comes out of one of the betchiest countries that will probably be on betchography soon if it isn’t already: Australia. Like I’m not sure what else they have over there besides kangaroos and beaches, but yeah, tanning and having hot accents and shit. She also lived in Miami, a betch's favorite SB destination. She loses a few betch points because she was supposedly povo and had no family/dad to borrow money from, but she made it somehow—we presume from the modeling, duh—and betches can appreciate a good come-up. Not like come-up in the “Thrift Shop” sense, but like an actual come-up. Sure, some betches out there might be like “but she can’t be a betch, her new single is called ‘Work,’ fucking duh,” but c’mon how much work is modeling really?
Now onto the important shit: the music. When Iggy was on her rap grind, she had a lot of haters who were like “She doesn’t even go here!” but then she became T.I.’s protégé so... The lesson here is don’t let anyone tell you you’re too pretty to get what you want. In fact you should be using your beauty to get what you want, but that’s another thing entirely.
Quick Run-down of Iggy’s betchiest lyrics:
“When you cum, I run / that cat got you missin me” – Pu$$y
You might have a friend that’s a DD who gets attached to every guy she does or doesn’t fuck, but not Iggy. She’s shadier than any SAB, but in a good way because the bros keep coming back and she’s all, “IDGAF.” She reaches the level of not caring that we all aspire to. Also in general it takes some serious balls—or I guess in this case, ovaries?—to release a song called “pussy” that says “pussy” like 3645 times.
“Hit the club / with bad bitches / stackin’ hundreds / bunch of 50’s” --Murda Bizness feat. T.I.
Weird, I didn’t realize Iggy Azalea had come out with us Thursday night…?
“Valley girls giving blow jobs for Louboutins / What you call that? Head over heels” --Work
JK not betchy at all I just find this pun hysterical.
Also in case you missed the music video for “Fancy,” so basically in case you’re a floser, Iggy just remade Clueless and cast herself as Cher. Total Betch Move.
I could go on about Iggy’s betchiness for another couple paragraphs, like how she’s dating a super cute NBA player, and how she brushed off a naked pic hoax so casually it’d make Olivia Pope pack up and fly off to a remote island somewhere...oh wait, she already did that. As long as Ig drops that vaguely racist faux-Southern twang, I’d say she’s got a good shot at Betch of the Year.