August 25, 2015
At first, when my parents we're all like “Why don’t you get some real life job experience?!” I replied "Uhm, what did I ever do to you?" and stormed out. But then, after careful reflection, I remembered that I had already found my calling. A calling to dedicate my life to the Bachelor franchise. Were they happy at first to hear this news? IDK because I couldn't hear them through all their tears, but I did make an incredibly convincing power point presentation on the matter, so I'd like to think yes. You see, what my stupid parents don’t realize is that there’s so much real world advice to be gained from watching these losers get rejected. How else am I going to learn what kind of people to never date or even touch with ten foot poles? How else am I going to know the difference between a “meat-head” and an “athlete” and a “beef-heart?” WHO IS GOING TO TEACH ME WHAT AGE MY EGGS STOP WORKING? Not you mom, not you dad. This is the life I’ve chosen. Plz respect.
Because beauty tips/tricks/lessons are always on my radar, you better believe I’ve been watching BIP looking and praying for the girls of paradise to bring it with their bright lipstick choices, their intricate braids, their tans. And boy, have they. We are at somewhat of an apex during this season, so at this point, I’d like to share all my learnings with you. (Note: If I didn’t mention certain girls it’s because they didn’t teach me anything and that’s on them. Sorry if you’re boring me Tenley, and Lauren, sorry you left early to fulfill your dreams as Ben Affleck’s mistress, but you’re dead to me.) Let's get started.