Dear Betch, To Be Or Not To Be Private On Instagram?

Dear betches,

So I know this isn’t your usual “Dear Betch” crying over a guy email, but hear me out, maybe this is a nice change of pace from the typical “omg why doesn’t he like me my life is over??????” posts. So maybe this is equally dumb but I’ve been wondering lately, what’s betchier: setting your Insta to public or private? Because public obvs gets you more followers, but like what if all these rando spammers follow you and don’t like your pics? Basically, what’s more important: more followers or a higher like-to-follower ratio? Also, posting exclusively at prime-time: smart move to get more likes or way too try-hard?

Feeling really white right now

Dear Wonder Bread,

There comes a day in the life of every Instagram user when we must address this question, and I for one am glad that someone finally came forward and asked it so that I could offer my hard and unwavering opinion on the subject.

Of course there are pros and cons to both private and public profiles, but that doesn’t make what I’m about to say any less concrete. In 99% of cases, and yes, if you are reading this you fall in that 99%, your Instagram should be private. I can already hear the furious typing of “but my follower count!!” in the comments section and I’m gonna stop you now with one vital point:

When it comes down to it, we’re all trying to get jobs one day.

Unless you’re applying to work for us, literally no employer is going to be chill with the 600-some-odd posts worth of selfies, slutty outfits, drunk poses, and spring break bikini shots that you’ve accrued over the past four years. Neither is your mom, who signed up for Instagram for the sole purpose of stalking you once you abandoned Facebook like every other person below the age of 40. Nothing is worse than waking up to a screenshot of you, tongue out and red cup in hand, with the message “??????” attached to it, trust us.

There are only two conceivable reasons that your profile should be public:

1. You’re Insta famous
2. You’re boring and have nothing to hide

Something tells me that, since you’re writing to us for help, you’re neither of those things. So turn private on and take unique pleasure in denying follow requests from high school acquaintances and distant family members.

Followers are important; I’m not going to deny that. If we didn’t care about likes we would just stare at heavily filtered photos of ourselves in the privacy of our own homes rather than go through the trouble of crafting casually witty captions and timing our posts for optimum exposure. But an extra 50 rando followers isn’t worth the extreme embarrassment of being 25 and unemployed because your Paradiso pics got your resume thrown into the “never in 100 years” pile.

Speaking of prime time posting: keep at it. If someone accuses you of trying too hard you can shoot right back at them for even knowing what prime time is. Just because we try our hardest to appear dangerously aloof at all times doesn’t mean that we won’t do everything in our power to secure every last like. There’s a solid difference between strategy and desperation.

Happy posting,

The Betches




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