July 27, 2015
Summer is almost over and for most of you that means you’re going back to school, but if you’re a betch who graduated this May then you need to like, get really fucking serious about finding gainful employment if you haven’t already. The pressure is on because your parents can’t tell their friends that you’re “taking some time for yourself” anymore. Getting your shit together for interviews is really brutal, but it does give you an excuse to use the AMEX your parents gave you to buy shit.
Different types of jobs demand a different sort of interview ensemble. For you betches trying to work in engineering or finance or some serious shit (better you than me, lolz) you’re going to need to look as professional as possible so buy a fucking suit if you haven’t already. Suits should be a little less Hillary Clinton pantsuit a little more Kate Middleton—you get the idea. For other betchy jobs, stick to a Tibi sheath, a DVF wrap dress, or a really fucking classy A-line.
And as most people know, your outfit is everything. Don’t believe me, just check out this article about these betches who tried to impress Anna Wintour. She was like Prada? You’re in. Michael by Michael Kors. You got that at Macy’s. On sale. GTFO.
And FYI the skirt hems should be by your knee, typically one inch above. Dress for the job you want; Barbara from HR isn’t buying any of your stock if you look like a stripper.
Don’t over accessorize, it’s distracting and you look like a schizophrenic. Pearls, okay. Diamonds? Do less. Your bag should be big enough to fit a resume binder, and if you don’t know what that is you should probably forget even trying to get a job, dumbass.
Not up for debate, if your nails look like shit, you look like shit. Go get a fresh manicure/gel or acrylic refill. A light pink, like Essie’s Hi Maintenance, makes you look super polished, laid-back, and not psychotic; all things that employers typically look for in a candidate.
Are you going to wear flats to your interview? Fucking no, that’s for nice girls and narcs. I suggest wearing a closed pointed toe for a few reasons. One being that they’re on trend. Two, they make you look taller. Three: nobody wants to look at your fucking toes during an interview, that’s atrocious.
Wear a tasteful heel, preferably one that’s around three inches, four if you want—anything higher basically makes you seem like you’re auditioning for the role of Naomi Malone in “Showgirls 2: Couldn’t Get A Fucking Regular Job.”.