June 17, 2013
I recently finished my first year of college, and like most betches, I'm kind of freaking out about entering the real world in a few years. When my days of getting blackout in frat house basements come to an end, I obviously want a solid career making a good enough salary. Here's my dilemma: I'm currently majoring in Education...AKA I'm going to be fucking poor.
I know that teaching is a career I would enjoy, but like any betch, I'm materialistic. As a betch, it's completely unacceptable if I were to become a broke loser during my twenties. I want to travel, buy a nice car, live in the city, buy expensive things, etc. In addition to having a shitty salary as a teacher, my family's finances have changed drastically in the past few years and I'm going to have a shitload of college loans.
So now in addition to a shitty teacher's salary, I'm going to have a lot of student loan debt ($50,000-$60,000). I'm sure there are other careers I would enjoy that make more money, but I know I'd be a good teacher and I'm pretty sure I would like it. Of course I'll get married someday and have a better income then, but I don't know when, and I can't bank on marrying rich for sure. Should I switch majors or just be a poor teacher? I'm so torn. Help a betch out!
Dear Materialistic Betch,
To address your opening sentence, most betches are not worried about life after college during the summer after freshman year. The summer after freshman year is for blacking out nightly and calling in sick to your bullshit summer internship. The summer after SENIOR year is the the time to panic about how you're going to be poor for the rest of your life. Procrastination: look it up.
If Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher taught us anything, it's that there are serious perks to being in the world of education. Like, what other job gives you the two months with the highest UV index off to fucking tan? Exactly. And while the idea of hanging out all day with gross, small children actually makes me nauseous, I've heard that some girls people actually like that shit. More power to you and the future youth of America.
Obviously doing something you love is not going to make you a ton of money unless you're Meryl Streep. Most people who make bank in their twenties actually work at a bank and are fucking miserable. If you're not coming from family money, it's usually a tradeoff between happiness at work and being able to buy designer shit regularly.
Honestly, it's not like you're signing up for life as a factory worker. Teachers who work long enough in good school districts make a pretty good salary and have awesome pensions (or so I hear). Better to be happy and poor than rich as fuck and dreading the 60 hours a week you spend at your job. And if you're still not sure if teaching is your perfect job but you're not dumb as fuck you can try teach for America. It's a two year investment in seeming like a good person after which you can do whatever you want.
In conclusion, being a poor loser is what your twenties were made for. Get over it and do whatever you think will make you happiest.
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