February 27, 2015
So, as we all know, it’s a fucking freezing tundra right now. Betches across the country are facing a common dilemma: how do I look hot and still stay warm? Sure, there are the cold weather staples: cardigan, chunky ass oversized sweater, long sleeve shirts, etc. But there’s one cold weather item that, until now, has never been touched by a betch, reviled by betches everywhere: flannel. Previously reserved for hipsters and lumberjacks, flannel is now pretty much everywhere. So the question remains: now that it’s not exclusively worn by hipsters, is flannel ok for betches?
The short answer is yes. The long answer is yes and no. If you're thinking about throwing on that plaid shirt, you need to be mindful of certain factors so you don't accidentally end up looking "homeless chic" (or whatever weird aesthetic hipsters are going for these days).
Where you got it: If you got your flannel at a thrift store, bye Felicia. You’re a fucking hipster. Why don’t you just stop shaving your armpits and refuse to vaccinate your kids while you’re at it?
How much did it cost: You can get flannel anywhere, from Target to Free People. Obv the more expensive your flannel is, the betchier you are (same as everything else in life).
The color scheme: If it looks like your grandpa’s flannel shirt, it’s too hipster and you need to burn it. Unless it belonged to your actual grandpa, then you can keep it in the back of your closet.
Your styling: Are you going to wear your flannel with leggings and Uggs? Acceptable. With high-waisted denim cutoffs and oversized glasses? Barf. It’s like what they said in Tropic Thunder: You don’t go full hipster.
If you abide by these rules, you can still wear flannel and be a card-carrying betch. Just don’t wear it too often, or you might find yourself saying things like “gluten-free, dairy-free, organic, cage-free cupcakes” and “before it was mainstream.”