April 22, 2015
Hil just announced she’s running for president in 2016 aka Obama is like 5 minutes away from being old news. Since she is one of the few females to try and move into the White House, we obviously need to determine if she is a betch since things like foreign policy, bipartisanship, and economic platforms are really just a bunch of big words no one gives a shit about. Who cares if you can peacefully negotiate with Putin if you’re wearing fugly shoes?
Here are some things about the potential future Madame Prez that could make or break her in the running for being a betch.
We get it. People always say if you question the way a woman in power dresses, you’re not a feminist. Well we say that’s a bunch of bullshit and you probably wear sweatpants every day, which could be worse than being misogynistic. You can be all about women’s rights and still dress to kill – we don’t see why the two are thought to be mutually exclusive. Hillary should definitely get her fashion shit together (aka not wear the same pantsuit all the time) because she won’t be getting a betch’s vote wearing a fucking orange jacket and pants combo.
One thing Hillary Clinton is not is a delusional dater. Sure, she may have stayed with Bill Clinton after all that Monica Lewinsky bullshit, but if she stormed out of the White House after finding out her husband (aka President of the United States) was getting BJ’s from an intern – she would have been deemed batshit crazy and never taken seriously. Putting on her best resting bitch face and not giving a shit is why Hil shows she’s tough and TBH like is Monica Lewinsky running for president? Nope. Hillary is.
We didn’t really keep up with this (betches don’t keep up with the news), but we heard it was something about Hillary using a private email address as Secretary of State. We really don’t see why this is a big deal – obviously a girl has to have her private email to plan her social calendar. I doubt she wanted Michelle Obama knowing all about her happy hour plans because then Michelle would want to tag along and since Michelle is against obesity she probably would count the calories of each shot. Only way to avoid a TTH like that is to have a private email.
Instead of talking shit like a true betch, Hillary praised her potential rival for the Democratic nomination, Elizabeth Warren, in some list about influential people for TIME Magazine. A true betch would have taken this opportunity to make a snarky comment, but Hil revealed a streak of nice girl potential and as we all know, nice girls never win.
Trying to make a conclusion if Hillary is a betch is just way too fucking hard because she really does have qualities of both a nice girl and a betch. We obviously don’t have the time to blackout AND figure out what Hillary is all about (maybe her stance on foreign policy could shed some light on this question- does she support study abroad programs for college betches to meet hot foreign bros?) so we will just have to see how the election pans out. May the best betch win.