October 31, 2014
I need your advice because, honestly? I’m confused. So basically I’m 19 and I’m a virgin, and honestly, up until now I was okay with that. I mean obviously I wasn’t like yay! I’m a virgin!! But it didn’t bother me. I’ve had a couple of relationships but before now I just didn’t feel ready to go there, so obviously I didn’t do anything. Okay, now here’s what’s actually bothering me: I met a guy this summer I actually liked, he asked me for my number, we went out quite a few times, but he had to move cause of work and now he lives like two hours away and we don’t see each other that often. I feel really physically attracted to him, and I like him as a person, but I’ve known him for like two months and honestly I don’t think we’re ever going to have anything serious as I’m still in uni and he’s finished and working in another city. We still meet up and hang out when we can. Sorry for rambling but I felt like I needed to explain.
So the thing is…I actually want to have sex with this guy, and I feel like if I’m ready but my friends keep saying that I should find someone I can see a future with, and someone I love blah blah blah. And also one of my friends said that they used to be neighbours and supposedly he’s a player (ugh, hate the word player but that’s literally what she said). But the thing is, I’m not in love with him, I don’t even have a really big crush on him, I just like him, and well, I trust him enough to do that with him. Also I don’t get why if he’s a “player”, knowing I’m a virgin (I told him, he said he didn’t mind waiting) he’d be hanging around to have sex with someone like me. Unless he has a weird virgin thing.
I’m probably just being stupid and immature about this, but I can’t really talk to my friends about this so…what do you think?
Like a virgin Betch
Dear 19-Year-Old Virgin / Virgin Diaries (sorry, both puns were too good to pass up),
Are your friends all clones of Jordin Sparks? Seriously, fuck your friends. You’re 19 and in college (or “uni” or whatever tf you call it), if you wait to lose your virginity until you find someone you fall in love and can see a future with you very well might be waiting until you’re over 25. Which would be fine if that’s what you want but it’s not so…why would you do that?
If you want to have sex with this guy—genuinely want to, not just like “I really don’t want to be a 20 year old virgin”—do it. Basically all the points I would have brought up you addressed yourself already and if you don’t care that he might be a SAB and that he’s not going to be your bf then it’s not your friends’ job to care for you. What it comes down to is you trusting the guy enough to do that with him, and not having expectations that he’s going to cuff you up, and since that’s squared away you shouldn’t let your (probably also virgin) friends hold you back. To their credit, they probably just don’t want to see you get hurt if you do lose your V-card to this guy and then things crash and burn. That being said, they still need to chill tf out since not everyone turns into a Stage 5 Clinger once a dick is inside them. So unless you’re actually a DD with the uncanny ability to come off as totally rational via email, you seem like you’ve thought this one through pretty carefully, so fucking go for it. No pun intended. Okay, maybe it was a slightly intended.
I personally recommend losing it to someone you wouldn't mind hooking up with consistently so you can actually get better at sex/learn wtf you’re doing, otherwise you might end up in this weird limbo where you’re like “I’m not technically a virgin but I have just as much know-how as a virgin since I had sex one time in the missionary position,” but that’s none of my business.
Your first time probably won’t be that great anyway,
Got a question only The Betches can answer? Email us at [email protected] and we might just help you get your shit together.