Is It Better To Go Stag Than Take A Weirdo To Prom? Dear Betch...

By Betches Staff

Dear Betches,

Prom is coming up and I'm like the only one in my friend group who doesn't have a date. I kept putting off asking the junior I've been casually hooking up with until he was fucking asked by someone else the day I was going to ask him. I was asked twice by weird people but I turned them down. My question: Is it better to hit up someone weird to go with just for the sake of having a date, or just go stag? Will I even have a good time going stag? Considering not going TBH for fear of awkwardness even tho my dress is non-returnable.



Dear Date-Less,

Like Kanye at a basketball game, I am going to break character (but only for a second) and give you some kind-hearted advice. I know for a fact that there are many hot betches out there who for whatever reason (mostly laziness) are currently dateless and are freaking the fuck out right about now as prom season is hot underway. And to the betch who wrote in, from a not-to-be-named prep school (which I happen to be a graduate of) I especially get where you are coming from since the whole date-thing always seems to sneak up on boarding school kids since we are masters of the casual hook-up.

First of all, I have to say that as a fully-grown betch, I have seen all possible solutions to this problem. Including: going stag, going with the weirdo, and the more rare, flying in a pro. So please take my advice since I am literally an expert on this shit. Oh and rule out not going because we all know that FOMO is the worst fate possible.

The girl that went stag did it 100% right. She bought a designer dress, got the best makeup, hair, nails, wax job out of all of us and just went into the night with a positive attitude. She hung out with the people who were only with causal dates not serious BFs and generally had a great time; I don’t recall any tear soaked mascara so this is honestly an option. You just have to have the right attitude.

Honestly, I think going with a weirdo is the easiest option if you are stuck. Most likely this guy will be so grateful that you chose him that he will treat you how a date is actually supposed to treat you, pay for everything, tell you how beautiful you look, etc. So if you are lazy just swallow your pride and go with a weirdo and worst case it sucks and you just 3rd-wheel it with your friends all night.

The final option, if you are stuck without a date for prom is to literally fly in a hot pro. In my experience, this works best if he is older (college sophomore or older preferred) and slightly mysterious. Like maybe he was the senior you lost your v-card to when you were a freshman or maybe he was on your brother’s rival hockey team a couple of years ago. But the key is that he must be enviable and not be a weirdo. He has to be dope or else this looks totes desperate.

Look, don’t freak out. But seriously, get on your shit ASAP. 


The Betches




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