September 18, 2014
So there's this college football player Jameis Winston who plays for Florida State University and is kind of a fuck up but also amazing. He's a BFD in Florida and is the youngest player to ever win the Heisman trophy, the betch equivalent of turning everyone against a scum sucking road whore.
He's also kind of a disaster. In 2013 he was accused of sexual assault, but the police didn't really do their job so there was no evidence for a criminal court case - oops. Then he stole soda from Burger King. Sounds like somebody forgot to bring a chaser to the pre-game and Jameis refused to do straight shots. After that he stole crab legs from a grocery store because he had a serious case of the munchies. His latest shenanigan is standing on a table in the FSU student union and yelling "Fuck her right in the pussy". Maybe not the best public relations campaign after you've been accused of sexual assault. I get that he was just imitating a viral video, but it wasn't a poorly filmed YouTube video and he's not 12.
Obvi I don't give a fuck about college football, except for the tailgate obvi. However, this just sounds like FSU is hosting The Jameis Winston Shit Shout feat: poor decision making and substance abuse. Not to overstep my boundaries, but somebody please get this poor boy a damn good lawyer.