Jameis Winston Is Another Football Douche You Should Know About

By Queen Elizabetch

So there's this college football player Jameis Winston who plays for Florida State University and is kind of a fuck up but also amazing. He's a BFD in Florida and is the youngest player to ever win the Heisman trophy, the betch equivalent of turning everyone against a scum sucking road whore.

He's also kind of a disaster. In 2013 he was accused of sexual assault, but the police didn't really do their job so there was no evidence for a criminal court case - oops. Then he stole soda from Burger King. Sounds like somebody forgot to bring a chaser to the pre-game and Jameis refused to do straight shots. After that he stole crab legs from a grocery store because he had a serious case of the munchies. His latest shenanigan is standing on a table in the FSU student union and yelling "Fuck her right in the pussy". Maybe not the best public relations campaign after you've been accused of sexual assault. I get that he was just imitating a viral video, but it wasn't a poorly filmed YouTube video and he's not 12.

Obvi I don't give a fuck about college football, except for the tailgate obvi. However, this just sounds like FSU is hosting The Jameis Winston Shit Shout feat: poor decision making and substance abuse. Not to overstep my boundaries, but somebody please get this poor boy a damn good lawyer.






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