August 20, 2015
As right-thinking people, I think we can all agree that gay marriage is tearing this country apart. For proof, look no further than anti-gay activist and all-around failed abortion Josh Duggar who, upon hearing of the historic SCOTUS ruling in June, was compelled by Lucifer to travel back in time and diddle five underage girls as a teenager (but only four were his sisters!). Unfortunately, Satan’s temptation of such a morally upstanding man didn’t end there, as Gawker recently discovered that Josh Duggar’s name and credit card info were among those exposed in the recent hack of adultery website Ashley Madison:
“Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary—a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to her first child—paid a total of $986.76 for two different monthly Ashley Madison subscriptions from February of 2013 until May of 2015….
...In July 2014*, he seems to have started a second account that was linked to his home in Oxon Hill, Maryland, where he spent his time lobbying against causes like same-sex marriage. The birthday listed in the data for Duggar’s first account is February 3, 1988, one month off Duggar’s actual birthday of March 3, 1988. The birthday listed for the second account is March 2, 1988.”
That’s a lot of money to get propositioned by spambots and 60 year old men posing as licentious married women! As a rule, the Duggars are a family of shitbags who believe they’re on a divine mission to populate the planet with their brood of brainwashed mouthbreathers. Given their very vocal (and until recently, very lucrative) support of “traditional family values,” this development pleases me greatly. Taking the revelation like the strong, Godly patriarch that he is, Duggar issued a statement via the family website where, surprise, his attempts at cheating were the result of a pornography “addiction”:
“While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife…
...The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, I was hiding my own personal failings.”
Do I blame him? I mean, not entirely - look at his wife. On the one hand there’s something vaguely admirable about him coming right out with it instead of being like “Lol h4xx0rs did it.” On the other hand, fuck Josh Duggar with a traffic cone. I get kind of annoyed when people are like “those who complain the most are the biggest hypocrites,” but good Goddamn is it ever satisfying when it turns out to be true.
At least the girls on Ashley Madison (if there are any) are 18+.