Juice Press Cleanse: OMG My Favorite Cleanse

By The Betches

For our next cleanse review, we’re taking a look at one of the more expensive juice bars in the city. After trying Juice Press, I have to say that it’s well worth the extra $2 you’ll pay for one of their vegetables juices because their shit is just that fucking great. Not only is their bottle design awesome (and funny), but the way I felt after my third day on their cleanse was literally as if I had just taken an organic Adderall. I had so much energy and was super focused and happy, but without the 30 mg XR comedown. Also, Juice Press is edgy as fuck (for a juicery). Their store has pamphlets and bookmarks that say shit like “women who juice are fucking sexy" and juices that are labeled things like MILF and “OMG My Favorite Juice”  Their funny branding and delicious products quickly made them my favorite juice spot. 

What’s Their Delivery Process Like?

Because Juice Press products aren’t HPP, their shelf life is only about 2 days so each day’s juices had to be picked up or delivered individually. This is slightly less convenient than having it all delivered at once but now that I’ve learned what HPP does to the juices (strips them of many of their nutrients through a heating process), I don’t think I’ll ever go back to drinking shit with a 30 day expiration date.

How Do You Know What Order To Take Them?

The order was on the sheet of paper that came with the cleanses and was reiterated in emails I had with the company. It wasn’t totally obvious what order everything should be taken. However, unlike most companies Juice Press doesn’t have a set cleanse that they sell as a package. I picked 6-7 juices a day and changed juices in or out as I saw fit. On the one hand, I kind of wished they had certain cleanses that were ‘harder’ so I knew how intense the one I was doing was but on the other hand it was nice to be able to switch stuff in and out based on what tasted good and after looking at the nutrition facts on them.

Do The Juices Taste Like Shit?

They honestly varied. Some juices I kind of hated but all were drinkable. I love love loved their Fountain of Youth smoothie which, granted is all fruit but was the most delicious smoothie I’ve ever had in my entire life. It was a mix of coconut water, frozen banana,frozen strawberries, frozen raspberries, frozen blueberries, agave, hemp protein, and coconut oil and was better than any processes froyo I’ve ever eaten.

How Do You Feel On Day 1?

Day 1 was fine. I didn’t mind ending with the almond milk which I came to look forward to at the end of each day. I was a little hungry but not starving it really just motivated me to go to sleep earlier.

How Do You Feel On Day 2?

Day 2 was fine and as usual, I felt a little bit of caffeine withdrawal but thankfully I added in the ginger fireball which was a serious pick-me-up.

How Do You Feel on Day 3?

Day 3 was a little difficult as it always is when you haven’t had anything to chew on in 72 hours but the real miracle came on the morning of day 4 where I legitimately never felt hotter and healthier than at any other point in my life.  I only lost about a pound but my skin looked great and I felt much tighter.

Their Best Juice?

As far as non-smoothie juices go, the Ginger Fireball was awesome. It was slightly spicy but really energizing and it tasted delicious. Like a tangy tonic. It has orange and lemon juice, ginger, cayenne extract, and oil of oregano. Next time I’d like to try volcano which is like Ginger Fireball but even spicier.

Their Worst Juice?

I really wasn’t a fan of Doctor Earth. Doctor Earth is made from apple, kale, cucumber, celery, pineapple, swiss chard, lemon, dandelion, parsley, and ginger. I have a feeling the dandelion was the culprit as by my third doctor earth I felt like fucking thumper from Bambi. I don’t think humans are meant to eat weeds. Also, in case no one remembers, I don’t like apples. At all.

Would You Do It Again?

Definitely. As soon as I can afford it.




Powered by Disqus




Forgot Your Password?

Create new account

User login