April 14, 2015
Making fun of the dumb shit “fashion bloggers” post is a pretty good hobby for a betch. You might have gone to college with this girl or she used to work with you in PR before quitting to follow her dream of creating an aesthetic for Instagram; whatever the situation, you can’t help but ironically follow the goings-on of her pathetic “journey in fashion” via blog.
If this attention-seeking fake model is married or soon-to-be-married she probably owns and continuously poses in the “Wifey” T-Shirt.
Don’t get me wrong; I know many a married betch doing it bigger and better than the rest. My problem doesn't lie with being a wife or even having a lame blog per se, but that god awful Wifey T needs to be stopped.
Being married is not something you should hide, but that’s what the giant rock on your ring finger is for. Wearing WIFEY across your chest seems a little desperate for attention and starving for envy from the non-married betches.
Plus, wifey is the complementary term for “hubby” which is disgusting and should never be used. Hubby conveys imagery of fat TV sitcom husbands, not hot AF Pros who rake in the dough so you can get your nails done bi-weekly and a new bag every season while not having to work.
Posting a pic of yourself in the Wifey T while rocking a full baby-bump is even more cringe worthy. I just assume you’re married if you’re posting about how stoked you are to be a mom while carrying a Celine purse and wearing Valentino Rockstud flats. What kind of unwed betch could afford $900 shoes and not better birth control?
Thinking about getting your friend a Wifey T to wear during her bachelorette party festivities? Pass. There would be nothing more embarrassing than posting Insta pics in a Wifey T and then have the wedding fall through. Talk about counting your chickens. It has to be some sort of social faux pas to call yourself a wife before actually becoming one, kind of like wearing a monogram with the initials of your new last name before even getting your new last name. Jinx city.
If you’re that worried about people knowing you’re married ask for a bigger diamond or, like, a Xanax.