January 27, 2014
After tolerating last night's neverending Grammy situation, it was finally time to watch my not-so-shady favorite hour of the week, catching up wth the Kardashians.
First of all, is Kris Jenner serious? What exactly is her brand strategy right now? To act as annoying as fuck so everyone's hatred will build to a peak really quickly and we'll start feeling bad for her? I assume this must be the reason because I practically have a PhD in Kris Jenner and I know she would never put herself in such a horrible light without a redemption plan.
Kris thinks that because she vaguely resembles an Armenian Catherine Zeta-Jones that she can just BE in the play Chicago. On ACTUAL Broadway, not just like a ghetto traveling cast. So she goes to a famous vocal coach who has, in Kris' own words, "prepared many A-list actors for Broadway." It was at this point that I almost died from choking on my bong hit because it was unclear whether Kris is going to a vocal coach she's totally unqualified for or if she was calling herself an A-list actor (with a resume consisting of nine KUWTK seasons).
I'm 100% tone deaf but also 100% sure Kris Jenner is as well. But we can all pretend the reason she gave up this dream of hers is because Kathie Lee Gifford told her it would cramp her schedule.
Side Note - Of course Kris' new beard Jonathan Cheban accompanies her on her trip to Broadway. It's where all the straight boys go. He also pronounces the 'ch' in Chicago like he's saying 'chicken' or 'Cheban.' The sophistication is boundless.
Even Kim was like kind of wise when she said "isn't Broadway like serious? Maybe we should respect it." YES KIM, YES. That's the most down to earth thing those kitchen walls have ever heard.
Meanwhile, Rob keeps complaining that Khloe is distracting him from dieting and sock-making. I used to feel bad for Rob Kardashian before he became such a whiny little bitch. Like your sister is telling you she's depressed and living out of her car and you're like, Ohhhh I guesssss you can stay here on one condition: the refrigerated cheese must be
stacked perfectly nonexistent. Seriously Rob, Khloe let you live with her for like three seasons and only when you gained 60 pounds did you start having a problem with this arrangement. It's not her fault you didn't avail yourself of Lamar's crack as a weight gain prevention measure.
"It's all Khloe's fault!"
Finally, as much as I love Scott, their "I'm going to Vegas/no you're not" drama was so 2007. Right Kourtney, I'm sureeee Scott really thought he could hide his Vegas appearance from you, meanwhile it's plastered on billboards. Not to mention it's on the production schedule for the show you guys are on together, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. But yeah, I admit that was a pretty creative way to charge the Sapphire Pool for both of them to be there while also getting a solid 15 minutes of footage. Props.