The Internet Thinks Katy Perry Is Actually JonBenét Ramsey

By Betches Staff

           Get ready to roll your eyes because America is fucking nuts. In 1996 there was this little pageant girl named JonBenét Ramsey, who was strangled to death and found in her family home’s basement in Boulder, Colorado.  It was a big fucking deal at the time, esp. because the killer was never found. Not even Derek Morgan could solve this one—the unsub was just too good.  Obviously that’s pretty fucking sad and everything but now there’s this YouTuber named Dave Johnson who posted a video about how JonBenét was never actually murdered, but instead, became Katy Perry.

    Like, this is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard.  The evidence has a lot to do with Katy and JonBenét looking alike and Katy’s parents looking kind of close to JonBenét’s parents.  Well a lot of people look similar, guys.  Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain, Sarah Hyland and Mila Kunis, hell, even Zooey Deschanel and fucking Katy Perry herself look alike.  Despite the fact that JonBenét’s mother Patsy died in 2006 and Katy’s mom’s still alive and well, this theory is completely absurd and makes no fucking sense—like, who would fake their own already-pretty-famous daughter's death just to turn her into a pop star a few years later?  These bored conspiracy theorists have way too much time on their hands. On a related note, I would love to know who Dave Johnson think killed Tupac.

Watch the video below and decide for yourself—that is, if you're able to sit through the whole thing without face-palming yourself to death.





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