Katy Perry To Perform At 2015 Super Bowl

By Queen Elizabetch

Katy Perry will be performing at the 2015 Super Bowl halftime show. I don't love this but I also don't not love it. Katy Perry has some phenomenal songs that were written for moderately drunk people, so it kind of seems like the natural partnership. Allegedly, the NFL told her she needed to pay them to perform, which seems like the ultimate slap in the face. Kind of like "Can I borrow your dress and also can you pay me for standing in my room?"

A quick history of Super Bowl halftime shows: For the first forty years they were college marching bands (ew) doing shitty covers. Then the NFL woke the fuck up and realized they should bring in actually famous people, but they stacked the deck and had everybody and their mother perform. In 2001, Aerosmith, Nsync, Britney Spears, Nelly, and Mary J Blige were the halftime show. Too bad it was past my bedtime, or I would have been there in the front row. Then 2004 saw Janet Jackson's "nipple-gate" and the NFL freaked out and doomed us to half a decade of music only our dads like.

The Black Eyed Peas launched their last tour, Madonna had a five second "comeback", and then Queen Bae shut the fucking thing down. Seriously, how is the Super Bowl still a thing after Beyonce's 2013 performance? She was so good the entire stadium had a power outage. Last year, Bruno Mars and Red Hot Chili Peppers did the halftime show. It would have been good except everybody still had PTSD (the good kind) from Beyonce. Now it's Katy's turn, and conservative estimate says she could be decent.

This totally explains why Katy was channelling her inner frat bro last weekend at Ole Miss. She was trying to get into character. Anticipated set list: I Kissed A Girl, Last Friday Night, ET, This Is How We Do, and Dark Horse. Real question, how fucking pissed is Taylor Swift?






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