February 13, 2015
There have been multiple occasions whereupon girls have written in to me asking about my opinion on tattoos, or “Guys’” opinions on tattoos. My answer? Meh. But, it’s not my answer you should be seeking. You should be seeking the answer of renowned Wall Street Journal columnist Kendall Jenner, who revealed the One True Answer in her interview with Allure Magazine (still a thing, apparently!):
Unlike the majority of models today, Jenner has no tattoos. "I have a really weird thing about 'forever.' And my sister Kim always said, 'Don't put a bumper sticker on a Bentley.'"
“Don’t put a Bentley on a baby. Don’t put a Bentley in a corner, and then don’t put the baby in the Bentley that’s in the corner. No one does that,” she (probably) went on to say.
"I didn't need it to be a family affair," she explained. "As selfish as this sounds, I wanted the attention to be on me for five seconds rather than my family."
That small quote is very telling. For starters, Kim (and by extension Kendall) makes one thing clear: People with tattoos are the human equivalent of a fucking Ford Fiesta (and not the new ones, either). Less clear: What, exactly, makes someone’s body a “Bentley?” Is it being rich? Is it simply being tattoo free? Is it being hot? I mean, I’d for sure bang Kendall, but she’s not on my top-20 list or anything.
“Rob has tattoos, and look where he is now,” Kendall thought, pondering her iced latte.
Less obvious, but also present: The deliciously nouveau riche trashiness that is the entire Kardashian clan. Look, if you can genuinely “afford” a Bentley, you do whatever the fuck you want to it. If I could go out and pay cash for a Bentley tomorrow (and you don’t know that I can’t, so hush), I’d slap one of those horrendous “Coexist” stickers on there just to fuck with people. You know who wouldn’t do that? People who can just barreeeelllllyyy afford one such that they’re worried about the resale value.
The “interview,” which is about 10 lines of actual interviews and several slides explaining who styled Kendall’s hair in the pictures, has more. For instance, did you know that when Kendall was in 9th grade, she had acne and was kind of awkward? I know, right. Stars - they’re just like us (minus the bumper stickers)!