April 9, 2014
Ok I have a paper to write. Let me check Facebook quick. Maybe I should just take a nap first. Oh shit it’s been 3 hours.
Sound familiar, betches? According to a new study by the University of Colorado, procrastination is hereditary. So the next time you find yourself pulling an all nighter since you didn’t start a paper until, like, the night before it was due, be sure to call your mom and bitch at her since it’s ALL HER FAULT. God, Mom, you’re such a bitch!
Interestingly, the same genes that are thought to influence procrastination are also thought to influence impulsivity. Scientists say the modern phenomenon of procrastination is an evolutionary by-product of impulsivity and might occur because, in this day and age, much of the goals we have are for the long term. As for a cure, scientists don't know yet. They said they'll start figuring it out... tomorrow, or next week, or like after they catch up on Game of Thrones. Read article >>
For a generation of parents looking to make sure their kid isn't the fattest one on the playground, there is now a solution: kiddy juice cleanses. Sure, juice cleanses have their benefits and let your digestive system rest and blah blah blah, but you cannot deny this sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow came up with on her ever pressing journey to give her children body image issues. As one dietitian said, “When they step over the line and use it as a cleanse, that's when it gets insane". Also, there's no way I'm letting my 5 year old drink my $9 OnJuice. You need a refined palate for that stuff.
Others, however, disagree. There are now companies creating juice cleanses specifically for children, such as California based Dherbs.com. Stephanie Walczak, founder of NYC’s Rawpothecary, said, "For adults and kids alike who are trying to lose weight, these raw and organic drinks are a great kick starter". Maybe she’s right. I mean, who are we to raise a generation of fat asses? Start sipping that green juice, kids. It's only considered baby fat before age 5. Read article >>
Your procrastination isn't the only thing that's hereditary. According to a new study, your tendency to exercise or sit on your ass all day may also be the result of genetics. To prove this theory, scientists at the University of Missouri have now bred two groups of rats; one who like to hit the spinning wheel and the other who are lazy as fuck. So the next time you know you need to go work out but don't want to leave your bed, feel free to call your mom and blame her for that too. Read article >>