Kids Get High Off Burt’s Bees and Other Health News

By The Betches

Kids are putting lip balm on their eye lids to get high

Put some Burt’s Bees on your eye lids! All the cool kids are doing it! The new trend is called “Beezin.” Apparently some kid, who we assume was bored fuck, realized putting the peppermint flavored lip balm on your eye lids causes disorientation that is similar to being high. The lip balm also causes a burning sensation and can cause eyes to become red and swollen. In other words, sounds like a great fucking time. Honestly, how desperate are these kids? Why can’t they just steal prescription drugs from their parents like everyone else? Read article >>

Idiot kid survives by going into “hibernation”

A 16 year old kid hitched a free flight to Hawaii last week by climbing into one of the plane’s wheel wells. Obviously, this was not a well thought out plan considering flying at 35,000 ft means low oxygen levels and below freezing temperatures. Miraculously, the boy survived because, as experts are now saying, his body went into a virtual “hibernative state”. Essentially, he passed out, allowing his body temperature to cool and his central nervous system to remain unharmed. Even so, the fact that this idiot survived was basically due to dumb luck. Also, what ever happened to “survival of the fittest?” This is the kind of shit that should weed out the stupid people. That said, if I was going to risk my life to travel somewhere I’d go somewhere cooler. Running away to Hawaii is, like, so cliché. Read article >>

Going to college helps your brain recover faster

According to a recent study, the more years of education you have, the more likely you are to recover from a traumatic brain injury. In fact, college educated individuals are four times more likely to be able to return to school or work within one year of experiencing this brain trauma. I mean, I would have assumed college actually caused people to lose more brain cells because of all the binge drinking, but I’ll take it. Your degree might not be the ticket to getting a decent job but it’ll definitely help you bounce back after hitting your head, so there’s that. Read article >>




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