May 1, 2013
Now that Kim Kardashian is so pregnant that she looks like she's hiding a baby whale under her dress, we've all been wondering one thing: what the fuck is she thinking when she gets dressed in the morning? She tries to make being prego look chic but it's just not working. Here are her most frightening maternity outfits and what she was probably thinking when she chose them.
"Look everyone! My outfit is tighter than my vagina!"
"If I dress like an oreo people will forget that I just ate five"
"It's totes not fair that my uterine wall is the only one who gets to wear layers"
"This high-necked red lace bodycon dress makes me look a sexy red blood cell designed by Kris Jenner for KMart!"
"Excuse me but the buttons are SUPPOSED to fly off. It's part of the effect"
"Octomom wore army pants and flip flops so I bought army pants and flip flops"
"Just because my dress (sort of) fits doesn't mean my toes have to"
Kim: Take that Jessica Simpson, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to stop wearing things in which you can't walk and/or breathe.
Jessica: Yes it fucking does
"This brown onesie is perfect. It even has a built-in tube from the back, you know, because my water will probably break from my ass"