March 4, 2015
Kristin Cavallari is an affable nitwit who would otherwise be harmless if not for the moronic decision to not vaccinate her children. She's also married to Jay Cutler, the quarterback of my beloved Chicago Bears. As such, it's not unusual for the interests of Bears fans and Cavallari fans to intersect. Case in point, a man named Joe Ward asked Cutler's teammate, RG Kyle Long, the most pressing question of our generation: Who has the hotter girlfriend - Cutler, or guy-who-almost-certainy-posesses-child-pornography, Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers, who's dating actress Olivia Munn?
That's a weak answer if I ever saw one, but what are you gonna do? Piss off your teammate? Lie about Olivia Munn's smoking hotness? The good thing is that at least KCav won't know about this exchange, right? Wrong. Ummmmmmm, so wrong.
BOOM. Burned. Vaporized. Ethered. The only thing worse than getting scorched by your own wife is getting smacked down by someone else's for not thinking she's hot enough (as an aside, this is good insight into the mind of an insecure pseudo-celebrity). How could Kyle possibly get out of this?
Whew, ok, problem diffused, right? "Heh, sorry Kristin, we can all drop it and move on and laugh about it later with Jay over low-carb beers, right?"
@Ky1eLong natural brunette right here ��— Kristin Cavallari (@KristinCav) March 4, 2015
Jesus. Kyle Long is about as good at keeping his foot out of his mouth as he is at protecting Jay from the pass rush. Once Kristin gets her hooks in you, she's not letting go untill she's drained you of all your filthy, vaccine-ridden blood. Also, KCav as a brunette? Who knew?!?!?
Kristin, if it's any consolation, you were always my favorite on Laguna Beach.