On paper Kylie Jenner's life is a fucking masterpiece—an 18-year-old millionaire with a makeup empire, mansions, designer clothes, and luxury vehicles. IRL, homegirl is a fucking mess—her makeup is absolute shit and she's dating a 25-year-old with a child whose mother is marrying her brother. You might not have a Bentley, but at least you won't be the stepmother to your own nephew.
Well, Kylie's personal life took yet another turn for this worse this weekend when the internet launched into the greatest mystery since Kylie's lip fillers: Are Kylie and Tyga engaged? Here's the timeline:
Wednesday: Tyga goes to a jewelry store in Calabasas
Thursday: Kylie uploads a pic to Facebook of her and Tyga captioned "Mr and Mrs"
Friday: Kylie Snapchats herself with a diamond ring on THAT finger
Obvi E! News is trying to build up the drama and has an "exclusive source" reporting that they're not engaged, but I'm not buying it. I've read enough Nancy Drew books to know not to overthink the clues.
So I guess mazel tov to Mr. and Mrs. Nguyen-Stevenson—yes that is Tyga's real last name, Google it. Maybe they can set their wedding for the same day as Rob and Chyna's so the family has to choose. Somebody needs to go check Kris Jenner's blood pressure ASAP.